Donald Trump Says Jailbird Paul Manafort May Have Been His Campaign’s CEO For 3 Months, But It Stood For “Coffee Expediting Officer”


Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump’s legal troubles are mounting, but the President today remained defiant regarding his former campaign CEO and long-time friend Paul Manafort’s imprisonment for witness-tampering in the Mueller investigation into Russian collusion.

Mr. Trump insisted on Twitter that Manafort played a small and forgettable role as CEO and that Manafort’s indictments are entirely unrelated to his election victory and presidency in the following tweets:


“Paul Manafort may have been my campaign’s chairman, but he didn’t really do much. I always asked myself how the guy was supposed to be so smart when he didn’t do anything for me, but I guess we know now it was because he was colluding! I wish he had colluded with me!”

“Paul Manafort seemed like a nice guy, so I said sure, come aboard, but I had no idea the guy had so much baggage. I asked him when he started if he had baggage, and he lied to me.. Bad!”

“And when he was working for me, he just was a glorified coffee boy. We may have called him the CEO, but it stood for ‘coffee expediting officer’. He brought us coffee and did menial tasks like organizing folders. Paul Manafort totally was a tiny, tiny part of my campaign. Maybe a spy for Crooked Hillary, who knows? People are talking.”

“Maybe Paul Manafort was part of the FBI collusion hoax. Maybe Manafort was the leaker all along. The Fake News blames my leadership style for the leaks in that my toxic personality necessitates everyone backstabbing each other ceaselessly, but that’s what the Deep State wants you to believe.”

“Maybe Paul Manafort is Mueller’s spy. Everyone was talking about it in Singapore, whether Mueller had paid ‘Imposter Manafort’ to infiltrate my campaign and help Hillary Clinton win. That’s why they orchestrated this witch hunt! SAD!

“You know, a rich friend of mine just noticed that no one has ever seen Paul Manafort and Bob Mueller in the same room so maybe”


And the tweets end there, cut off mid-sentence.


(Picture courtesy of  Gage Skidmore.)

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