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- A Saudi official accidentally said on a hot mic during Trump’s Saudi state dinner at the White House that Trump smelled worse than his camel, saying, “Seriously, am I crazy? I cannot be the only one who smells him. Why does no one say anything to him about it? American culture is way too polite and superficial. You don’t even get flogged in the town square for insulting the leader in America, so what are they all afraid of? It’s a favor actually to let him know he smells like death. His staffers just put up with the stench, and smile through the olfactory torture? Does Trump smell like that on purpose as a power move? That would be psychopathic, wouldn’t it? I mean, even Trump has to know he smells like a bowl of goat cheese that’s been left out in the sun for a week. Can the diaper rumors be true?”
- Republican insiders say Mar-a-Lago is becoming a ghost town since it can no longer be ignored that Trump’s name is all over the Epstein Files.
- A very sweaty, nervous looking Trump claimed last night his last Sharpie marker ran out of ink, so he’ll have to sign the legislation revealing all the Epstein Files when a new shipment arrives “in two weeks.”
- A female journalist just asked Donald Trump, “Why do you call women ‘Piggy’ when you have bigger tits than any woman in the press corps?”
- Out of habit after reading Epstein’s name, Trump reportedly drew a little sketch of boobs on the Epstein Files bill Congress sent him after signing it.
- Trump is reportedly worried he pissed off so many foreign countries with tariffs that they’re going to have their spy agencies leak all the Epstein Files they have incriminating him.
- A 6th grade girl on a White House tour reportedly told Donald Trump to his face that he shouldn’t call female journalists “Piggy” when he’s fat and ugly himself.
- The mysterious feminist mafia that calls itself “The Cliterati” are reportedly using Tinder and changing their locations in the app to all the cities that ICE goes to so they can meet, unmask, and catalogue a giant database of the worst men in society.
- Trump is reportedly worried Kash Patel is too cross-eyed to read the Epstein Files close enough to catch every time he’s mentioned or referenced in Epstein’s records, emails, and pictures.
- Trump is reportedly pissed Pam Bondi assigned so many DOJ staffers to go through the Epstein Files because of how many people can now be whistleblowers or leak incriminating info on him, but he acknowledges it’s his own fault for being friends with epstein for so long.
- Trump has reportedly denied JD Vance’s offer to get involved in going through all the Epstein Files.
- Trump reportedly had a nightmare this afternoon where all the media companies banded together, and their reporters took turns calling him “Mr. Piggy” until he apologized to the woman he attacked, and then everyone asked him why he was the Epstein Files’ biggest star.
- Trump reportedly wanted to sue someone for spreading the rumor that he blew Bill Clinton until his lawyers asked him if there was anything he’d be concerned about if he was asked under oath in a deposition if he ever blew someone named “Bubba.”
- Trump reportedly didn’t put makeup on his face this morning, and reportedly told staffers, “What’s the point anymore?”
- Two dozen protesters dressed as pigs are reportedly chanting, “Here, Piggy Piggy!” outside the White House today.
- Trump is reportedly “apocalyptically angry” after Senate Republicans passed the Epstein Files bill without adding any amendments that could give him an excuse for hiding some of the files.
- Pam Bondi is reportedly beginning to suspect becoming Trump’s Attorney General was a professional mistake.
- JD Vance is reportedly upset that Trump didn’t let him tell Saudi Arabia’s MBS to wear a suit.
- Nation fearfully awaits Susan Collins’s likely coming announcement that Trump has learned his lesson about associating with sex-traffickers so the Epstein Files don’t need to be released.
- Presidential historians voted unanimously today to name Donald Trump as America’s “Piggyest President.”
- Pam Bondi is reportedly beginning to worry that, even though she is risking her law license and real prison time by signing off on sham prosecutions of Trump’s political enemies, Trump will still throw her under the bus at the first opportunity of political expediency. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 