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- EXCLUSIVE: Mitch McConnell secretly died 3 months ago, and no one could tell because he looked no different than his usual frozen facial expression of blankly staring out at nothing.
- White House reporters are reportedly beginning to ask Donald Trump every time he says he doesn’t know anything about an ongoing scandal in his administration, “Is it because you fell asleep during that meeting?”
- Protesters across America are dressing up as masked ICE agents and abducting Mary and Jesus statues from people’s nativity scenes outside their houses.
- Trump staffers are reportedly worried about firing Kristi Noem because she always has a gun on her.
- Trump reportedly had a fecal accident during his MRI scan last week.
- Top Republican officials are reportedly pissed Mike Lindell is running for Minnesota governor because, once again, they’ll have a lunatic candidate whose insanity attracts GOP primary voters so he’ll win the nomination before getting destroyed in the general election.
- Trump is reportedly pissed that Indiana Republicans are immediately calling his bluff and calling him “TACO Trump” after he threatened to withhold all federal funding from their state if they didn’t pass a gerrymandered redistricting map.
- Protesters outside the Indianapolis capitol erupted into chants of, “Quiet, Piggy!” after the Republican legislators refused to vote for Trump’s gerrymandered redistricting map.
- Trump reportedly feels that Kristi Noem’s plastic surgery has gone too far, and she’s no longer hot enough to warrant the legal problems and constant lawsuits she’s creating for his administration.
- Doctors are reportedly worried Trump’s dementia will soon require everyone in the White House to begin wearing name tags.
- Joe Biden just challenged Donald Trump to a public cognitive test competition filmed live on CNN
- Indiana Republicans just filmed themselves burning their MAGA hats.
- A new poll found that 76% of Americans think it would be hilarious if Marjorie Taylor Greene tried to kick Mike Johnson out of the speakership before she retires from Congress in January.
- The Trump Administration is reportedly now mandating all tourists to the US write a 3-page essay on why Trump is the most virile president in US history.
- Every night at 10:15 pm Mike Johnson reportedly texts Trump and asks if he can go to bed.
- Kristi Noem is reportedly mad that Congressman Cathy Palkowenz began every question for her in her committee hearing with some words or phrases that referenced her plastic surgery, such as, “You only provide lip service to the Constitution,” and, “Your answers today have too much mindless filler,” and, “You’re facing the wrong side of history.”
- Pam Bondi is reportedly getting pissed that Trump keeps yelling at her every time new Epstein photos get released, despite the fact that he has claimed for years that it’s a hoax and there are no photos.
- The Association of MAGA Pastors just sent out a guide to all their members on how to excuse the obviously coming proof that Trump was personally involved in the Epstein sex-trafficking ring, and the top tip is to point out that Mary was a teenager when she birthed Jesus.
- Karoline Leavitt says Trump does not need a walker, he’s just taking “alternative steps.”
- Economists found that the unemployment rate fell by half a percent over the last month thanks to thousands of public relations employees and lawyers being hired by rich men to help deal with their impending social fallout from the upcoming release of the Epstein Files.
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The Halfway Post 