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- A new poll found that 93% of Americans think Israel should pay for the US to have universal healthcare since all our money for 25 years has gone to waging wars against Israel’s enemies.
- MAGA Republicans just pulled off their 5th ideological flip-flop so far this month by suddenly turning pro-Ukraine now that Trump depends on Ukraine’s drone tech to keep from wasting our entire stockpile of expensive missiles on shooting down super cheap Iranian drones.
- A rare bipartisan moment in the Congressional gym took place Tuesday night after it was announced on the TVs that Representative Dan Crenshaw lost his primary race when several exercising members from both parties stopped their workouts, opened a bottle of champagne, and toasted together that soon they’d no longer have to deal with Crenshaw’s arrogance, pedantry, self-aggrandizement, and cringey drunken antics.
- Americans visiting and living in Dubai say they’d rather have an occasional transgender man use the bathroom than World War 3 going off all around them.
- Trump is reportedly pissed that super cheap Iranian drones are draining US supplies of very expensive missiles because now he, ironically, has to send JD Vance to Kyiv to beg Zelensky for drone assistance, and he hopes Zelensky won’t be as bitchy about it as he and Vance were.
- Trump is reportedly worried all the Republican House members who just lost their primaries and now have nothing to lose will join Thomas Massie in voting to force the DOJ to reveal all the Epstein Files that incriminate him.
- Trump just ordered Pete Hegseth to stop calling soldiers “warfighters” in every sentence so that people stop associating the bombings with a war.
- President Zelensky says he’ll agree to send the US all of Ukraine’s high-tech drone defense technology if JD Vance comes to Kyiv wearing a suit and apologizes in person, brings along a deck of cards as a gift, and says “thank you” to the Ukrainian people.
- A top GOP official says the party is panicking about how many House members are losing their primaries, “We’re on track to have 15 lame ducks who can suddenly vote their conscience instead of the party line on Epstein, Iran, and government oversight — the Trump Adminnistration is f*cked!”
- Polls show Trump’s State of the Union Address was the lowest rated, least culturally and politically significant SOTU since Millard Fillmore.
- The Law & Order franchise is reportedly planning to produce a new show called “Law & Order: DOJ” that depicts investigators and prosecutors taking down an international cabal of sex-trafficking pedophiles that includes the President of the United States.
- Trump is reportedly planning on telling Fox News that he’s paying for the Iran War out of his own pocket because 75% of the audience will believe it for the rest of their lives and start commenting about it online on every post they see that criticizes the war.
- Israel is reportedly thinking about releasing the Trumpstein Files even though Trump started their Iran War for them “just to stir the pot.”
- A new poll found that 100% of Americans noticed that Kristi Noem refused to deny she’s sleeping with Corey Lewandoswki while testifying under oath.
- The Saudis and Emiratis are reportedly threatening to withdraw all the bribes they’ve invested in Trump’s shell companies and the $2 billion+ they’re letting Jared Kushner “manage” if the Iran war spins out of control and Iran bombs their oil and desalination plants.
- A pastor of a mega church in Texas claims James Talarico is a “demon in disguise” because every time during a sermon he shows his followers a video of Talarico describing his faith — and how it informs his liberal politics — so that the pastor can explain why Democrats are evil and secretly servants of Satan, a dozen congregants never come back to the church.
- Mike Johnson reportedly fears that the Republicans who lost their primaries because Trump wouldn’t endorse them will stop showing up for votes, and then Democrats will have a functional majority, replace Johnson with Jeffries, and unredact all the “Trumpstein Files.”
- A new poll found that 93% of Americans think Israel should pay for the US to have universal healthcare since all our money for 25 years has gone to waging wars against Israel’s enemies.
- Lindsey Graham is reportedly telling friends, “It’s honestly relieving that the hashtag ‘Lady G’ goes viral once a month and I don’t have to worry about the blackmail anymore, and it’s also nice that despite how often we Republicans complain about political-correctness most people in D.C. are polite in not bringing up the rumors about my sexuality.”
- Pete Hegseth is reportedly advising Trump to send in ground troops to Iran to prove to everyone once and for all he could have been a prime time Fox News host instead of just a weekend host.
- Mike Johnson says he wants to assure everyone that Trump has a plan for the war in Iran, and that Trump has promised to him to reveal those plans to Congress “in two weeks.”
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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The Halfway Post 