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- Trump is reportedly “melting down” and “devolving mentally” as finally his own actions have at long last led him to now beg all the countries he has needlessly insulted for years and tariffed offensively to please help him clean up the gigantic hornet’s nest he kicked by bombing Iran.
- Trump has now “won” the Iran War 7 times in 10 days.
- Trump Administration officials promise Russia isn’t using its sudden surge in oil profits to send more drones to Iran, and build more resources to help Iran target Americans.
- The Iran War is so unpopular that military officials are reportedly deliberating on reversing Pete Hegseth’s ban on transgender troops because of what an easy loophole it gives soldiers to declare they identify as women to avoid being sent to die for Jeffrey Epstein.
- Ukrainian spies have reportedly infiltrated the Russian government, and are looking for the blackmail Putin has on Trump to cancel out Putin’s “trump card” in the bad faith, lopsided peace deal negotiations where Trump inexplicably, constantly does the thing a guy who is afraid of blackmail being held over his head would do.
- Trump is reportedly asking the Navy to have US ships in the Strait of Hormuz fly British, French, Australian, Chinese, and Japanese flags so it looks like those countries didn’t totally ignore his requests to help him fix the economic catastrophe he caused.
- JD Vance is pissed because the world is literally on fire everywhere, and he’s gonna have to deal with it real soon because Trump is mentally deteriorating fast.
- Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton are reportedly getting calls from a man named “John Barron” who is asking them what they’d do if they, hypothetically speaking, had started a war that was quickly wrecking the entire global economy.
- Trump was reportedly hoping the rumors Benjamin Netanyahu was dead were true because it’d mean Israel would stop forcing him to escalate the Iran War for a few weeks while Israel’s government figured out a new governing coalition.
- Several European nations declining to patrol the Strait of Hormuz reportedly told Trump to just use all the tariff money he has told Fox News viewers for months they’ve been paying as their contribution to opening up the Strait of Hormuz, which made Trump scream, “Americans pay those tariffs, I was lying about all of that — and you know it!”
- After Trump claimed Iran was begging him for a cease-fire deal but he’s the one who isn’t ready to deal — and also that the war was already won — a reporter asked him why he’s now threatening Europeans, Japanese and Chinese — who he has spent years constantly insulting and bragging that we don’t need them — to help him escort oil tankers through the Strait of Hormuz, to which Trump just crossed his arms tightly across his chest, frowned, his face turned red in the white borders of his skin where the orange doesn’t quite get blended all the way into his hair, and then said, “Joe Biden didn’t have a…” and paused, made a sound that most reporters present described as sounding quite similar to someone diarrheaing in their pants,
- Trump is reportedly demanding all the billionaires he has given tax cuts to sail their yachts into the Strait of Hormuz to help escort the oil tankers, and, if they don’t, he’s threatening to have Scott Bessent go through all their finance accounts, and if Bessent doesn’t, he’s threatening to force Bessent to wear Florsheim shoes two and half sizes too small instead of just one.
- The digital phone line that newly appointed “Fraud Czar” JD Vance just set up to collect leads on governmental fraud has reportedly crashed after only 15 minutes because of how many calls came in reporting Donald Trump’s constant fraud.
- JD Vance is reportedly indecisive over how he’d deal with the Ukraine-Russia war because, though Putin doesn’t have any pedophile blackmail on him, he still hates Zelensky and Ukraine, but also now has to acknowledge that the US is increasingly finding itself dependent on Ukrainian drone technology.
- Trump claims a former president told him that he wishes he had sued the government for $10 billion, and accepted $3 billion in crypto bribes from foreign dictators, and taken a $10 billion fee for a social media company deal.
- On top of being named “Fraud Czar,” JD Vance was also just reportedly named “Blackmail Czar,” and has been tasked by Trump to investigate all government officials alleged to being blackmailed by foreign governments.
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The Halfway Post 