Help me make fun of the fascists all day long. Become a paid subscriber to support me for just $2.50 a month.
- The soldiers deploying to Kharg Island are reportedly distributing homemade uniform patches that say “Epstein Corps” and “In pedophiles we trust” to protest that they’re being used as drone bait so that Trump can escalate the war into a full occupation for Israel.
- A new poll found that 78% of Americans support drafting Barron Trump to Kharg Island.
- A major “red flag dating database” website has reportedly added hundreds of ICE agents doxxed from their mask-less deployment at airports.
- Two police dogs at two separate airports have reportedly bitten ICE agents today.
- An airline in Texas reportedly refused to let Ted Cruz skip the airport line because he’s partly responsible for it, and then insisted Cruz was “randomly selected” for a cavity search.
- Stocks are reportedly plummeting amid fears of Trump escalating in Iran after the Ayatollah called Ivanka Trump “fugly.”
- Markwayne Mullin has reportedly tipped the cleaners “very generously” who got all the white stains out of Kristi Noem’s DHS private plane’s bedroom.
- Several airlines are reportedly planning to permanently end the special privileges they give to Republican members of Congress to skip lines after the GOP’s monthlong DHS shutdown has led to thousands of missed flights and tens of millions of dollars in lost revenue.
- An executive of a top gay dating app wearing a suit made entirely out of hundred dollar bills says about CPAC, “This event is our industry’s Super Bowl, World Cup, and Olympics combined.”
- A top DOJ official faked a heart attack today after being asked how Jared Kushner sabotaging the Iran negotiations while secretly scheming with Israel to force the US into a preemptive war in Iran despite not having any government position isn’t “textbook treason.”
- The hotel that’s hosting CPAC has reportedly asked the conference producers to make convention-wide announcements asking attendees to stop drilling glory holes in all the stalls of the men’s bathrooms.
- Trump says Iran asked him to be their new leader but he refused because he doesn’t want to get droned by Israel.
- White House staffers are reportedly afraid to wake up Trump from his frequent naps, so now he sleeps through most of the work day.
- Iran just renamed Kharg Island as “Epstein Island” because Trump wants it so bad.
- Iranian hackers reportedly got access to Kash Patel’s personal email account after he clicked a phishing email link that said, “10 foolproof ways to find Iranian terrorists, abducted mothers of journalists, and ANTIFA.”
- Iranian officials have officially apologized to Barack Obama saying, “We didn’t realize how good we had it negotiating with you until the orange, pedophile dummy clown controlled by Israeli ventriloquists took over.”
- The GOP is reportedly having issues preparing for the 2028 presidential election because Republican candidates are worried 2028 will be a landslide for Democrats after three more years of Trump’s chaos, and believe 2032 will be the better year to run.
- Vladimir Putin is reportedly requesting Trump and JD Vance stop trying to help Viktor Orbán’s campaign because their vocal support is making Hungarians less supportive.
- Trump’s doctors are warning that one more “No Kings” protest has about a 50% chance of spiking his blood pressure and triggering a heart attack or stroke.
- Become a paid subscriber and support my comedy for just $2.50 a month. 🥃
☕️ Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated.
If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy. Request your local library order a copy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
Our social media platforms are getting scrambled by oligarchs so if you like my writing, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Threads, Twitter, Bluesky, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.
The Halfway Post 