Upcoming Books Written By Republicans This Summer

Need some summer reading? Here are the upcoming books written by Republicans to check out:

Josh Hawley — Beating Off Satan: How To Defeat Masturbation, And Erect A Christian Life

Kevin McCarthy — Augustus of the House: The Speaker McCarthy Story

Matt Gaetz — Me & Nestor: Setting The Record Straight On Why My Adopting Him Wasn’t Weird At All

Ted Cruz — Texas Hold ‘Em* [A rip-off of the show House of Cards featuring himself as he engineers his way to the presidency with a gratuitous amount of cheating on his wife and strangling dogs]

Ivanka Trump — A Woman In Business: How I Rose Above Pervasive Sexual Harassment From My Boss, My Dad

Donald Trump Jr. — I Love You, Dad: A Memoir On Ways My Dad Showed He Loved Me, Even If He Never Said It

Eric Trump — A Picture Book Of Batteries I’ve Eaten

Elaine Chao — Senate Kama Sutra: 100 Illustrated Tantric Lessons I Learned On Erotic Passion With My Magnificent Lover, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell

Kristi Noem — Shooting Dogs & Ruining Families: A Memoir On How Women Can Be Just As Deranged As Men

Laura Loomer: The Real Housewives Of Mar-a-Lago

Mike Pence — Hanging WITH Mike Pence: An Inside Look At The Former VP’s Life And Political Career

Mike Lindell — Irrefutable Proof The 2020 Election Was Rigged [Originally slated for release in March 2021, then delayed until September 2022, then January 1st 2024, then October of 2024, then January 1st of 2025, and now slated for release in the summer of 2026]

Rudy Giuliani — Scotch, A Lawyer’s Best Friend: Prose Poems About being Donald Trump’s Lawyer, My Alien Abductions, And The Joy Of Putting One’s Hand In His Pants

Jared Kushner — Peace In The Middle East: Investment Advice On How To Turn A Nepotistic Diplomacy Job Into A $2 Billion Hedge Fund

Nancy Mace — Can’t Stop Me: 101 Unhinged Ways For A Brave Woman In Congress To Earn Media Coverage

Elizabeth Markowitz, former White House Executive Chef for Donald Trump — The Art Of The Meal: An Unauthorized Tell-All About Our Former President’s Most Disturbing Eating Habits

Mitch McConnell — The Complete Field Guide On Freshwater Turtles Of Eastern Kentucky

Sarah Huckabee Sanders — Untapped Greatness: How Child Labor Took Arkansas From The Mid-40s Of State Rankings To The High-30s

Lindsey Graham — How I Would Kill Ted Cruz To Get Away With It

Stephen Miller — Homemade Taxidermy: A Complete Guide On Killing, Gutting, Skinning, Stuffing, And Displaying Various Animals

Melania Trump — Becoming Melania* [Not to be confused with Michelle Obama’s book titled, “Becoming”]

Paul Ryan — Jellyfish: The Wisdom Of Nature’s Spineless Beauties

Barron Trump — Damning Secrets About My Dad My Mom Told Me In Case He’s Thinking About Taking Me Out Of His Will* [Publication date pending] 🥃

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