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- Epstein reportedly references Donald Trump’s awful stench 36 times in the Epstein files.
- Trump says this next batch of Epstein Files is “definitely the last one” not released, so there’s no reason to look for any more or subpoena the DOJ ever again.
- Trump gives himself an A- for how he has handled the Epstein Files.
- In the Epstein Files, Epstein reportedly describes Trump’s body odor with the phrases “expired roast beef,” “oniony fat sweat,” “underboob cheese,” “rancid roast beef,” and “dumpster soup.”
- Trump is reportedly terrified that Democrats have received copies of enough Epstein Files that it will be easy for them to prove Pam Bondi edited his name out of them.
- This weekend, following Trump’s disastrous Epstein cover-up excuses, Lindsey Graham reportedly had nightmares about his prophetic words that Trump would destroy the GOP.
- A new poll finds finds that 94% of Americans believe Trump’s sudden reversal and endorsement of releasing the Epstein Files suggests that Pam Bondi has been furiously editing Trump out of them.
- Trump Administration officials are reportedly worried Epstein’s spelling was so bad that there’s no way Pam Bondi was able to use command-F searches to find and then delete every single reference to Trump in the unreleased Epstein Files.
- Trump says his recent MRI scan was so perfect that the doctors want to do another one next week just so they can see it again.
- A White House spokesperson says Trump telling a female journalist, “Quiet, Piggy!” isn’t sexist because he says that to JD Vance all the time.
- A MAGA fan who applied to be an ICE agent for the $50,000 signup bonus is blaming Joe Biden for why he can’t do the required 15 pushups.
- A recently lapsed MAGA fan says he can’t help but notice that, instead of the gays and transgenders, all the groomers and pedophiles keep turning out to be Republican politicians, Evangelical youth pastors, and Donald Trump.
- After Trump spent all week attacking Marjorie Taylor Greene on social media, she reportedly can’t believe the proverbial leopard would actually eat HER face.
- Trump says it’s impossible to know what his recent MRI found because it’s a magnet, the most mysterious object in the universe.
- Trump’s lawyers are reportedly panicking because the Democrats Trump claimed are bigger Epstein criminals than him can now sue him for defamation and access all the hidden Epstein Files during discovery to interrogate Trump in a deposition that will be made public.
- Republicans in Congress are beginning to worry Trump wanted the Qatari plane to flee the country because the Secret Service won’t let him escape to Buenos Aires on Air Force One.
- Trump claims his doctors say his mysterious MRI scans powered by magnets, which no one understands how they work, show he has the smoothest brain they’ve ever seen.
- This weekend there were 17 “Epstein Bonfire” events where former Trump fans burned all their MAGA merch, with 3 taking place in Montana, 1 in Idaho, 4 in Nebraska, 2 in Iowa, 2 in Kansas, 4 in Arizona, and 1 in Utah.
- Trump is reportedly getting increasingly paranoid, and is now patting down everyone in his meetings to make sure they’re not wearing a wire.
- Pam Bondi reportedly has 50 DOJ officials combing through the Epstein Files to find and erase every allegation that pictures exist of Donald Trump blowing someone.
- Trump is reportedly pissed the tech bros are selling their tech stocks because he thinks they’re purposefully sparking a recession to make him unpopular and convince the GOP to use the Epstein Files to remove him from office and let their real pawn, JD Vance, take over.
- Trump is reportedly asking around to see if anyone would believe it if he used his trademark phrase and told everyone he’d release the Epstein Files “in two weeks.”
- Barack Obama just announced he will be suing Donald Trump for $50 billion for all the Birther claims. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 