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- Trump is reportedly pissed that oil companies don’t want to take over Venezuela’s oil industry because of the cost of modernization, the security concerns, the political instability, and the current and projected low price of oil which would take decades to turn a profit because now he looks like an idiot for removing Maduro without any kind of transition plan.
- ICE officials are reportedly beginning to worry that Republican legislatures have passed way too many open-carry laws, “stand-your-ground” laws, and “Castle Doctrine” laws that give pissed off citizens legal immunity to shoot at badge-less, masked ICE agents.
- Protesters in Minneapolis are reportedly dressing up in body armor, jeans, and masks, and are refusing to identify themselves as they arrest ICE agents one at a time while other ICE agents watch just as confused as any regular citizen as to the legality of any of this.
- Blue states and cities are reportedly considering legislation that would ban former members of fascist paramilitary groups like the Proud Boys and 3-Percenters from serving in any law enforcement capacity, which would disqualify about 75% of the ICE agents.
- JD Vance is reportedly thinking about changing his name a 4th time if he becomes president.
- North Korea’s Kim Jong Un says ICE “really needs to chill out.”
- ICE officials are asking protesters to stop wearing jeans, body armor and masks, and intermingling with agents walking around with them on their patrols and getting into their ICE vehicles because “it’s impossible to tell who is a real agent and who isn’t.”
- Eric Trump, wearing a hard hat and coveralls, says he’ll dig up the Venezuelan oil himself.
- An oil executive says his company will not be working with the government to develop Venezuela’s oil industry until all the Epstein Files are released.
- A major oil company executive says, “It is obvious that Donald Trump has put little thought into Venezuela’s post-Maduro transition, and the plan to take the oil is as impulsive and reckless as the pile of rubble that used to be East Wing of the White House.”
- A top oil company executive says Donald Trump “smelled like rotten roast beef” during his big White House meeting on Venezuela, he farted audibly no less than a dozen times, and he kept getting up to look at and compliment the nonexistent ballroom like he’s senile.
- A member of ICE who sprayed a protester at point-blank range with pepper spray reportedly just watched a video of a 100-year-old Nazi prison guard and is now worrying he too fill face justice someday, no matter how long it takes.
- JD Vance says if any more Catholic leaders criticize him he’ll switch religions a 6th time.
- The Nobel Committee is reportedly giving María Corina Machado a second Peace Prize medal to give to Trump so she can keep the original, but the second one has “I’m a whiny little bitch” engraved on it.
- Nicolás Maduro reportedly went to the prison doctor this morning because he strained several abdominal muscles laughing while watching a news report on how the major oil companies are refusing Trump’s offer to invest in Venezuela because of the costs and political instability.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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The Halfway Post 