Fox News Just Launched A New Cryptocurrency Called “Confederate Coins”

New York City

Fox News just jumped into the cryptocurrency business, launching a brand new digital currency called “Confederate Coins.”

The money system is entirely digital, but Fox has released several concept photos of real-life coins featuring prominent historical Civil War figures from the Confederacy.

On the $1 coin is General Robert E. Lee, on the $5 coin is Jefferson Davis, and on the $10 coin is General P.G.T. Beauregard, a coin former Attorney General Jeff Sessions, whose middle name honors General Beauregard, is particularly excited for.

In a guest appearance on Fox & Friends in which he discussed his theory that criminality correlated with skin tone color, Mr. Sessions pulled out his wallet and purchased $60 in Beauregard Confederate Coins.

Fox host Sean Hannity wasted no time in converting half of his net worth into Confederate Coins, and host Lou Dobbs has reportedly requested his salary be paid in the currency from here on out.

Fox host Tucker Carlson explained on his show last night that Fox News had been planning on getting into the cryptocurrency business for several years now, but the effort faced many conceptual obstacles.

“At first the executives here at Fox wanted the Fox cryptocurrency to honor past Grand Wizards of the Ku Klux Klan, but public relations staffers convinced the company that KKK members would be too controversial,” said Mr. Carlson. “Then they thought famous segregationist governors from Southern states in the 1950s and 60s would make great theme for the coins, but that faced some PR hurdles as well. We finally agreed on a uncontroversial subject: beloved Confederate generals! And that was how Confederate Coins got started.”

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(Picture courtesy of Andrew Malone.)

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