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- The conservative CEO of an erectile dysfunction medication is reportedly sharing his customer data with ICE so the agency can find new candidates to recruit.
- A 99-year-old WW2 veteran in Minneapolis reportedly put an ICE agent in a chokehold today shouting at him, “I wasn’t afraid of Nazis in France, and I’m not afraid of them in Minnesota either!”
- ICE officials are reportedly mad that tow companies in Minneapolis keep towing ICE vehicles, but the tow truck drivers keep shrugging and saying, “If you all refuse to identify yourselves, it’s impossible for us to tell which vehicles are yours, isn’t it?”
- Donald Trump is beginning to suspect that Stephen Miller’s creepiness is hurting his approval ratings.
- Gang members in Los Angeles still cooperating under a truce to protect LA from ICE are reportedly planning a “field trip” together to go “say hi” to Greg Bovino, who just returned to his home in El Centro, CA.
- Stephen Miller reportedly left a box of cockroaches in Kristi Noem’s office with a note that said, “You’re going down for the ICE murders, not me!” and Noem reportedly left a dead dog on Miller’s porch.
- ICE protesters reportedly keep calling Child Protective Services on Greg Bovino filing reports that a child is living alone in his house.
- Trump is reportedly paying homeless people to go to movie theatres and watch Melania’s new documentary.
- Alcoholics Anonymous just announced that drinking on the day Trump finally strokes out won’t count against anyone’s sobriety, and everyone gets a cheat day.
- Kristi Noem reportedly put on bright orange makeup for her meeting with Trump today where she begged him not to fire her.
- A Trump staffer accidentally described Trump’s stench on a hot mic: “The Diet Coke makes his breath terrible, the makeup on his purple hands smells weird, his manboob sweat soaks into his suits, his swollen cankles reek of death, and it all mixes with his hairspray.”
- With the Trump Administration frantically playing the blame game to find someone for Trump to fire over the ICE murders, Stephen Miller reportedly regrets having no friends and creeping out the rest of the cabinet.
- Rumors that Trump might throw Stephen Miller under the bus for the ICE shooting are growing after Miller was seen removing his coffin keeps in the White House to take naps in.
- Six people have committed suicide in movie theatres while watching Melania’s new documentary.
- Stephen Miller says the ICE agents in Minneapolis were not following proper protocol on dealing with protesters because the ICE agents were supposed to take in the protesters alive so he could conduct medical testing on them in the red state concentration camps.
- A 99-year-old WW2 veteran in Minneapolis got off with just a warning from a police officer today after he threw a dozen eggs at ICE agents yelling at them, “The Nazis in Normandy weren’t wearing masks you cowards!”
- Mike Johnson says he hasn’t heard about the Constitution so he can’t comment on it.
- A televangelist who visited the White House today claims he saw Jesus’s face in Trump’ purple hand bruise.
- Republican gun owners are reportedly now selling their guns to own the libs after Trump said protesters should not have guns.
- ICE is reportedly worried that when the weather gets warm, their masks will backfire because the agents will all get obvious tan lines from the masks and everyone will be able to tell who is an agent.
- Mike Johnson reportedly fell into a well two weeks ago and no one has noticed he’s gone because he never has an opinion on any of our political crises anyway.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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The Halfway Post 