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- A billionaire is reportedly buying every billboard within three miles of Mike Johnson’s house, and putting up images of the Epstein Files that name drop Trump so Johnson can’t say he didn’t see them anymore.
- European prosecutors are reportedly racing each other to obtain photos, videos, and testimony implicating Donald Trump in the Epstein sex-trafficking ring, and are referring to it as “Operation Orange Peel.”
- US national security officials are reportedly raising the alarm that European prosecutors are already collecting confessions from rich pedophiles that implicate Donald Trump, and now a dozen new countries beyond Israel and Russia have major blackmail on him.
- A top national security official said today, “We have no idea how many foreign governments or private individuals could be blackmailing Trump on a daily basis with their knowledge or proof of his Epstein-related sex crimes. The US has never been so compromised.”
- Gen Z teens are reportedly beginning to expose their dads as Epstein’s friends on TikTok.
- A group of 15 MAGA fans in Montana are starting a hunger strike they vow will continue until Pam Bondi releases all the Epstein Files so Trump can finally be proven innocent, or they die.
- The billionaires in the Epstein Files are reportedly freaked out after French authorities raided the Paris Twitter headquarters because they’re worried Elon Musk will squeal to the cops about the one party they let him go to before blacklisting him for being weird.
- The repercussions of the Epstein Files now includes dozens of divorces by women disgusted in their pedophile husbands.
- Trump has reportedly been calling foreign countries’ justice departments all weekend threatening and begging them to drop their Epstein investigations, and stop subpoenaing the emails and testimony of Epstein accomplices who could implicate him.
- The wealthy pedophiles in the Epstein Files are reportedly living in abject terror every day paranoid someone will snitch on them in exchange for immunity.
- The rich pedophiles listed in the Epstein Files are reportedly dropping everything this week to move to states that don’t have the death penalty for sexually assaulting children.
- A top GOP official says, “It looks like we f*cked ourselves helping Trump cover up the Epstein Files. My kids won’t talk to me, my wife wants a divorce, and my legacy will forever include looking the other way as cannibal pedophiles ratf*cked our entire government.”
- After a year of belligerent tariff threats and now his intelligence-insulting Epstein cover up, foreign countries are reportedly no longer picking up Trump’s increasingly desperate phone calls for negotiating some kind of deals he can take credit for to distract from all his scandals and the cratering economy.
- Several foreign countries that launched investigations into the Epstein Files last month are reportedly beginning to draft new trade and security strategies for dealing with President JD Vance.
- Top Republicans are reportedly terrified that, because Trump mostly picked Epstein-compromised people for his cabinet that he had mutually-assured-destruction blackmail on, most of the Trump Administration will spend the entire midterms getting caught in lies, resigning in disgrace, and being prosecuted.
- Top Republicans are reportedly complaining that, if the American people demanded the resignation of everyone involved in the cover up of the Epstein Files, the Trump Administration would have “like 3 people left.”
- Trump’s list of countries he’s going to cancel his tariffs for is also the list of countries that announced they are investigating Epstein’s sex-trafficking ring.
- Experts agree that Howard Lutnick’s lunch with Jeffrey Epstein on “Pedophile Island” was long enough for him to eat some of Epstein’s human jerky.
- A top GOP pollster is warning that Republican turnout in the midterms is collapsing due to rising inflation and the Epstein cover up, and the only enthusiastic GOP voters confident they won’t stay home in November are self-avowed Nazis and registered sex-offenders.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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The Halfway Post 