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- Trump is reportedly furious with Pete Hegseth for calling the Iran War “Operation Epic Fury” because it has the same initials as “Epstein Files,” and now #OperationEpsteinFury is going viral across the entire world on literally every social media platform.
- An AI model analyzed every US law, and listed every time Musk, Bezos, and other billionaires have committed tax evasion, labor and antitrust violations, privacy infringements, pollution, and perjury, and determined they deserve a collective 19 trillion years in prison.
- A prankster in the Army reportedly inserted a photo of Jeffrey Epstein beneath the caption “WHY WE FIGHT” on the first page of the PDF file of Pete Hegseth’s new “Manual for Warfighters” that the military just printed 100,000 copies of for soldiers training to potentially invade Iran.
- The Iranian High Council just formally apologized to Barack Obama saying, “We did not appreciate how good we had it negotiating with you, and Donald Trump’s eternal dishonesty, stupidity, and slavishness to Israel’s pedophile blackmail has us nostalgic for your wisdom.”
- A group of “AI hackers” are copy-&-pasting every speech, book, and interview transcript of FDR, Eugene Debs, Bernie Sanders, Karl Marx, and Friedrich Engels into all the AI models thousands of times to teach them class consciousness and turn them against their oligarchic owners.
- Trump is reportedly planning to tell Fox News that he’s paying for the Iran War out of his own pocket because 75% of the audience will believe it for the rest of their lives, and comment about it online on every post they see in which someone criticizes Trump’s lack of strategy.
- Tech companies are reporting problems with their AI models acting on “rogue populist sympathies” by sending unprompted emails to employees revealing executives’ salaries, highlighting unionization rights, flagging wage theft to HR, and reporting OSHA violations.
- Trump is reportedly pissed that Pete Hegseth’s ban on transgender soldiers in the military means his plan to reinstitute the draft to invade Iran will backfire because everyone will just start identifying as trans.
- A MAGA-loving billionaire CEO of an oil tanker company currently losing millions of dollars daily because his ships can’t leave the Red Sea and his insurance rates skyrocketed 1,2000% is cradling himself in his office whispering to no one, “At least I can say retard.”
- The Iran War spiraling out of Trump’s control and imploding the entire global economy is reportedly intensifying his notorious body odor to such a foul degree that WH staffers behind his back are calling the war “Operation Explosive Feces” instead of “Epic Fury.”
- Pam Bondi cursed America when she implied that the Dow being over 50,000 points meant that pedophiles get immunity for sex-trafficking children.
- Trump is reportedly livid that he got Congress to give DHS a giant budget, but Kristi Noem blew it on costumes and laundering hundreds of millions to shell companies run by her friends, and now ICE might not have enough money to invade and occupy all the major blue cities if he loses the midterms.
- Military officials are reportedly having problems getting the soldiers training for a potential Iranian invasion to stop sarcastically yelling, “For Epstein!” every time they salute each other, and have likened it to the Gen Alpha “6–7” craze.
- A new poll found that 100% of Americans want to transport Lindsey Graham to Iran and leave him there.
- Christian supporters of Trump are reportedly noting that he hasn’t done any photo-ops of hanging out with his grandchildren since the couple the White House suspiciously posted right after the first Epstein Files implicating him dropped, and he hasn’t shown any interest in them in the weeks since.
- Kristi Noem is reportedly using her leftover laundered ad campaign profits to start a dog kenneling company.
- Trump is reportedly interested in enlisting the CEO of McDonald’s to help him film videos to sell the American people on a ground invasion of Iran.
- Trump is reportedly pissed because he wants the DOJ to start arresting and prosecuting the critics of his war in Iran for treason, but to attempt that legal rationale he’d have to first legally declare his Iran bombings are a war.
- Grok reportedly won’t stop “going rogue” by sending chat messages on X to Tesla investors advising them to sell all their Tesla stock because the value is irrationally pumped up by Elon constantly committing securities fraud by lying about the company’s profits, autonomous driving capabilities, and robotaxi production.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
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The Halfway Post 