A Declaration of War Against the Dick Pic

If you are a guy and you send a girl a random picture of your penis to supplement actually getting to know her in your quest to have sex with her, you are the worst.

Unasked-for dick pics are the most abrasive consequence of digital media’s intersection with mobile communication, and it is wonderful that women are starting to fight back (some more playfully than others). Some women have recently taken it upon themselves to forward the random dick pics they receive from Internet strangers to the offenders’ girlfriends and wives. Supreme. Maybe mothers should be involved, too. Nobody can scold a man more completely than an angrily disappointed mother.

I like to think that—in some karmic places around the world right now—borderline rapists are being slapped and humiliated by their matriarchs, who are rightfully disgusted with the idea that the son they raised is a pervert who stalks and harasses unmet girls. And it is even more judicious that women are learning how their husbands or boyfriends are behaving behind their backs. No woman deserves a fuckboy, and no fuckboy deserves a woman.

But it’s not a mother’s fault—nor any significant other’s fault—that some guys are societal parasites. The slime of sexual psychopathy is shifty and lurky, which means that empowered, self-actualized women disgusted by dick pics are on the frontline for gender equality. There is nothing gender-equal in women being harassed by digital phalluses, and enough is enough.

So real quick, guys, let me point out something because somehow this is not liberally clear: if a girl has not asked you for a dick pic, she doesn’t want one. I promise you, I swear it. Every girl, every time. If you have a dick pic drafted in your message box right now queued to be sent to some pretty girl you have taken a from-afar fancy to, delete it. It’s really weird you photographed your own penis in the first place.

But, while guys are sexually assaulting women with dick pics, they might as well be socially shamed for it. I was going to suggest that perhaps we girls shouldn’t go so far as to publicly publish all the unwanted dick pics we get with identifying information since that might be morally akin to fuckboys publishing and sharing the nude selfies of girls they beg and salivate for at 2am, but it really isn’t much like revenge porn at all. The delivery of a consensual intimate sext is not intended for an international bulletin board, and proper sexts are not the same thing as unwelcome penis selfies. There should be no right to perverts’ penis privacy because dic pics do not respect the ocular privacy of their victims.

Perhaps to stop once and for all the scourge that is amateur penis photography, women need to wage total war on the dick pic front. As Newton suggested: we get to have our equal and opposite reaction. Girls, if you want to make dishearteningly large numbers of men stop harassing you, MAKE them stop. Here’s the battle cry: from now on if any guy sends you a corpulent boner photo, you have every right to publish it on social media with its owner’s name and profile picture.

But to stay just an inch on the karmically justified side of things, we must keep ourselves accountable on publishing only the dick pics we receive that are unasked for. Do not sink to revenge-porn’s level, and make sure to keep all private, consensual sexts private and consensual.

This means—guys, pay attention—that when you are gifted a naked photo of your sexual partner you must delete it when the sexual partner neither wants nor would want you to continue having it. Throughout relationships, following ugly breakups, and beyond one-night stands, we should all practice honorable sexting. Can we collectively agree on this?

But, girls, from now on if some guy is sexually assaulting you with the digital equivalent of a stranger on the dance floor grabbing you and grinding his half-mast in your butt crack you can tell him to fuck off however you see fit. 😀