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- Donald Trump reportedly keeps firing his doctors who tell him he has dementia worse than Biden.
- White House insiders say it’s “only a matter of time” before Donald Trump forgets where he is and tells a nostalgic buddy story about hanging out with Jeffrey Epstein on camera.
- Trump says no one gives him credit for how many girls and women don’t accuse him of assaulting them.
- Trump is reportedly worried and pissed that his body is failing him and threatening to shut down before the end of his term, and that JD Vance will likely get to enjoy more of the fascist power he’s doing all the legwork for.
- Several gay dating apps are reportedly threatening that, if the Supreme Court bans gay marriage, they’ll reveal all the closeted Republican officials and members of Congress who have accounts on their platforms.
- The National Guard’s office phones are reportedly ringing off the hook from hundreds of citizens requesting they use their martial law in Washington D.C. to arrest the rapist pedophile who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
- A liberal billionaire is reportedly buying two billboards in every state’s capital city that says, “Trump is fat, ugly, demented, a cheater at golf, and the main character in the Epstein files.”
- Trump is reportedly trying to convince Mike Johnson to resign so he can delay any House vote on releasing the Epstein files for weeks while divided Republicans argue over who will be the next Speaker of the House.
- After Trump was asked if he ever saw any minors while hanging out with Jeffrey Epstein, Trump claimed he brought back coal mining like no president in history.
- A conservative tradwife convention in Savannah, GA ended 3 days early today after several booths offering samples of raw milk and ivermectin cocktails made an estimated 50% of the attendees sick.
- Trump reportedly wants Mike Johnson to resign so that Republicans can vote in Trump as the Speaker of the House, and then Trump can block any effort to release the Epstein files.
- Protesters have begun throwing dozens of dildos daily over the White House fencing.
- Trump reportedly got a mammogram conducted today on his manboobs after a concerning lump was found.
- A televangelist claims that if the Supreme Court bans gay marriage God will never let another flood, tornado, or hurricane affect America ever again, and then he said, “If I’m wrong, I’ll break that OnlyFans woman’s record for the number of guys railing me in 24 hours.”
- There’s a new reality show being developed called “Republican City” that will have contestants live for a year in a town where everyone is armed, there’s no minimum wage or healthcare, pollution and child labor are allowed, and women’s rights revert to the 1850s.
- Trump reportedly told a group of college Republican today, “A lot of people don’t know this, but tertiary syphilis can really sneak up on you.”
- The US military is reportedly having meetings about how to deal with potential illegal orders given by Donald Trump, as well as how to deal with his infamous body odor.
- Trump reportedly made JD Vance do a blood oath vow of loyalty last night that Vance will never initiate a 25th Amendment coup against him.
- The Trump Administration is reportedly worried that tens of thousands of pissed off citizens will do a January 6th at the White House, grab Trump by his pussy, and deport him.
- During a prayer breakfast event this morning, Trump started ranting about golfers from the 80s again and listing them in order by dong size, and gave himself second place behind Arnold Palmer. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 
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