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- Trump is reportedly threatening to sue Gavin Newsom for $5 billion for each individual tweet he posts mocking Trump’s rhetorical style, and is citing the nonexistent crime of “presidential harassment.”
- Vladimir Putin was asked by Russian reporters when he got back to Moscow if he was afraid of any consequences from ignoring Donald Trump’s demand for a ceasefire in Ukraine, and Putin and the reporters laughed for 16 seconds.
- During a White House tour today, a 10-year-old girl named Cassie was asked what Trump’s superhero name would be, and she said, “The Trumpedo because I want to see his hair get wet if he goes underwater, and he’s a pedophile.”
- Trump is accusing Gavin Newsom of lying about his height and weight.
- Trump reportedly screamed out loud, “This is the last straw, I’m suing him!” when he found out Gavin Newsom is doing a photo-op at a McDonald’s tomorrow.
- Two groups of unidentified ICE agents got into a brawl today in D.C. trying to arrest each other, resisting arrest, and then pulling guns on each other until they de-escalated enough to verify they all actually were ICE agents.
- A deli in Boston is reportedly selling $2 “Don’t Tread On Me” sandwiches filled with mayonnaise for customers to throw at ICE agents arresting peaceful people in their city.
- JD Vance reportedly wore his special “I’m gonna be a bitch today” underwear for the White House meeting with Zelensky.
- Gavin Newsom is reportedly filming a video with a garbage truck mocking Trump’s video from last year.
- A liberal billionaire says that when Donald Trump dies he will spend any amount of money to buy the land Trump is buried in, and let people pee on the gravestone for 25 cents each.
- Congressional Republicans have variously described Gavin Newsom’s tweets as “stupid,” “deranged,” “petty,” “demented,” and “extremely low IQ.”
- The Nobel Committee says they’ll only give Donald Trump the Peace Prize if he kills himself, because then he’d finally have done something to promote global stability and peace instead of his usual belligerent chaos.
- With no end in sight for the war in Ukraine, Trump is reportedly beginning to think he should stop promising he can make deals in “one day.”
- Trump reportedly lied about calling Vladimir Putin when he left the European leaders for 40 minutes yesterday, and instead he had to change his clothes after a fart turned out not to be just a fart.
- While Trump was calling Putin for 40 minutes, the leaders of France, Germany, the UK, and Belgium reportedly spoke in French about how terrible Trump smelled.
- A government whistleblower says ICE is hiring the “biggest incel losers” he has ever seen.
- A whistleblower from the FBI says there are Sharpie marker redactions and fried chicken grease stains with Donald Trump’s fingerprints on every page of the Epstein files.
- When Trump was calling Putin during the European meeting at the White House, Zelensky and the other European leaders reportedly could hear Trump yelling, “You promised you’d never release those, Vlad! You promised you burned those tapes!”
- Podcast booking agents are reportedly offering Dan Bongino top dollar to reveal everything he knows about the Epstein cover-up. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 
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