Grandmas Calling Themselves “GRANTIFA” Are Following ICE Agents To Scold Them

• A new group called “Grandmas Against ICE” is organizing buses full of women over the age of 70 to follow ICE agents around on their raids to shout at them, “You ought to be ashamed of yourself! You know better, young man!”
• Fox News is sounding the alarm about a new domestic terror group of old, retired white ladies protesting ICE every day who call themselves “GRANTIFA.”
• The man who passed out in the Oval Office earlier this week reportedly claimed the last thing he remembers was Donald Trump audibly farting.
• White House staffers say the epic Democratic victories Tuesday have left Trump babbling to himself about 95% approval ratings like he’s Hitler circa April of 1945.
• A liberal billionaire is reportedly buying two billboards in each of the 25 biggest US cities that say, “Trump is ugly, demented, a cheater at golf, the main character in the Epstein files, and has a throat camel toe that should start being blurred out in photos.”
• A televangelist worth $150 million who owns two Bugatti sports cars says no one’s giving him credit for donating $50 to his local food bank.
• Top Republicans are reportedly debating how to break the news to Trump that vulnerable Congressional incumbents will have to start breaking with his policies and compromising with Democrats in order to have a chance to keep their seats in 2026.
• White House officials are denying that Trump’s stench is what made the man pass out in the Oval Office today.
• Trump reportedly thinks if he had done one more photo-op at a McDonald’s drive-through it would have turned around the Republican Party’s alarming lack of voter enthusiasm in Tuesday’s elections.
• The Secret Service has reportedly declined Trump’s repeated requests that agents start carrying him around on a portable throne chair.
• Trump is reportedly threatening to go scorched earth on any “Republican rats” who jump off his sinking MAGA ship after voters across the country just massively rebelled against his draconian immigration policies, tariff chaos, and blatant corruption.
• There has never been a more spineless, pushover, useless, cuck-chair-sitting Speaker of the House than Mike Johnson. Even Kevin McCarthy had more dignity. What a contrast with Nancy Pelosi, who is one of the most badass Speakers we’ve ever had.
• A thermal security camera in the Oval Office appears to show Donald Trump sharting in his pants behind the Resolute Desk moments before the man passed out yesterday.
• Mike Lindell says he’s 90% sure his proof that the 2020 election was rigged will be ready to unveil before the midterm elections next November, 2026.
• Trump added “climate change” and “obesity” to the list of wars he has allegedly stopped he keeps in his suit pocket at all times.
• White House staffers say Trump has asked at least a dozen times why the US can’t just declare bankruptcy and forget about its debt because he did it multiple times in his businesses and personal finances, and it “worked out great” for him.
• Trump reportedly wants his NOAA director to name all of next year’s hurricanes Barack, Hillary, Joe, Nancy, Hakeem, Chuck, and other high-profile Democrats’ names.
• A local Republican official says one silver lining from all of America’s chronic school shootings is that kids are learning the metric system based on what size bullets the school shooters are using, such as 9mm pistols.
• Because Trump is falling asleep much more frequently these days during meetings and press conferences, he’s passing gas much more frequently and reportedly smelling worse than ever before.
• BREAKING NEWS: The group of grandmas protesting ICE who call themselves “GRANTIFA” are now reportedly open-carrying firearms with several walking around with AR-15s strapped to their backs.
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