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- A Montana town that voted 89% for Trump a year ago is holding a “Pedohile Bonfire” event in their public park tonight for anyone who wants to come burn their Trump flags and MAGA hats.
- White House staffers say Trump came out of an Epstein Files related meeting with his lawyers today with streaks down his face of smeared makeup showing he had been crying.
- Sales of Trump flags nationwide have declined 96% this week.
- The Secret Service is reportedly deliberating on how to respond if Trump tries to go on a sudden one-way trip to Moscow, Riyadh, or Buenos Aires.
- Optometrists in D.C. are offering Pam Bondi and Kash Patel free eye exams and a new pair of glasses after their claims that the Epstein Files did not incriminate Trump have been proven totally false.
- A liberal billionaire is offering $25,000 to the first journalist who asks Trump to his face why one of Epstein’s victims would write in an email, “I don’t want to come early to find Trump in your house.”
- MAGA insiders are worried so many Trump fans will take their money out of his crypto coins and short his Trump stock because of the exploding Epstein scandal that Trump will lose all his money.
- White House staffers say Donald Trump is strategizing senators and representatives who will vote against revealing the Epstein Files for him “like Hitler strategizing imaginary German divisions in April of 1945.”
- The Nobel Committee says they will give the Peace Prize and its million dollar reward to the first Trump cabinet member who invokes the 25th Amendment.
- Trump is reportedly raging over the number of Republicans in Congress who are flipping on the Epstein Files, and is complaining that “no one is loyal anymore.”
- National security officials are reportedly no longer letting Trump leave briefings with any physical copies of top secret documents fearing that he’s going to start stockpiling them for leverage against political or legal consequences for his Epstein crimes.
- Trump is reportedly livid after finding out a White House staffer has begun doing preliminary research on how previous administrations handled mid-term presidential successions.
- Trump is reportedly threatening to investigate his cabinet members for mortgage fraud if they “even think about” using the 25th Amendment on him.
- Trump is reportedly beginning all the phone conversations he’s having with Republican representatives and senators in which he tries to bribe or threaten them into not voting to release the Epstein Files by shouting, “You better not be recording this call!”
- The 6 men who got “TRUMP” tattooed on their bodies have reportedly all signed up for laser removal sessions.
- Trump was so distraught and distracted about his exploding Epstein crisis that he accidentally put on green foundation makeup this morning instead of orange.
- The Chinese, North Korean, and Iranian governments have reportedly lifted their censorship bans on American media for the weekend so their citizens can watch Trump’s downfall, and, as one Chinese official put it, “see what happens when decadent Western liberal democracies are allowed to pick morally bankrupt idiots for their leaders.”
- Trump is reportedly thinking about doing the Weinstein move where he starts using a wheelchair to gain sympathy despite his sex crimes.
- Top Chinese officials reportedly burst out laughing for 26 seconds straight on live Chinese TV when they heard the reports that the US Supreme Court appears likely to rule that Trump’s tariffs are unConstitutional and clearly defined as an authority and responsibility of the legislative branch only.
- Trump claimed today that Gavin Newsom is lying about his height and weight.
- A group of farmers in Nebraska are competing with each other to build the tallest sculpture of Donald Trump from a mixture of manure and their unsold soybean crops to raise awareness on how Trump’s tariffs have bankrupted their farms.
- Trump is reportedly upset that Kai Trump finished last in her golf tournament, and didn’t use any of the cheating tricks he taught her.
- BREAKING NEWS: Trump’s order for the DOJ to probe Bill Clinton’s role in the Epstein Files has backfired, as now a DOJ lawyer has subpoenaed Trump over Epstein’s insinuation that Trump gave Clinton a blowjob, with the lawyer demanding photos of Trump’s penis to look for matches in the still unreleased Epstein files. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 
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