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- A top European prosecutor said today, “The American people will greet us as liberators after our subpoenas obtain all the Trumpstein-related emails and bank records, and we reveal just how centrally involved Trump was in the sex-trafficking and money-laundering.”
- White House staffers say Donald Trump has been giving off “Jim Jones vibes” since he heard Prince Andrew was arrested and the police have confiscated all his phone records and emails.
- A national security official says Donald Trump is in a catch-22 where Iranians are threatening to release videos of him sexually assaulting children if he bombs them, and Israel is threatening the same if he doesn’t.
- Texas televangelists are organizing to spend millions of dollars against James Talarico’s Senate race because their young congregants keep asking “Satanic questions” about why Talarico’s theology seems so much more like what Jesus preached than the mega churches.
- Top doctors around the country are warning that Trump’s dementia appears to be progressing so fast that it likely won’t be long before he forgets where he is and just starts bragging on live television about all the sex-trafficking he did with Epstein.
- Trump has reportedly called British Prime Minister Keir Starmer and asked him to appoint Bill Barr to supervise Prince Andrew while he’s in police custody.
- A growing number of boards of directors of major companies led by CEOs who were friends with Epstein are firing those CEOs because, if they were too stupid to realize that Epstein was a giant rapist pedophile, they’re too stupid to run their companies.
- Foreign countries reportedly keeping putting Trump on hold every time he calls a European nation to ask them to stop investigating the Epstein Files, and then they play him audio of Obama’s campaign speeches until he hangs up.
- Because Trump keeps claiming the Epstein Files are a “hoax,” several FBI agents are reportedly going to leak all the censored photos and videos of Trump because, as one agent explained, “You can’t be prosecuted for leaking a hoax.”
- Officials from New Mexico say if Trump, Bondi, or Patel call them about their plan to dig up Epstein’s Zorro pedophile ranch for bodies, they’ll record the call live on their state website so everyone can hear them trying to interfere and obstruct justice.
- A new poll found that 81% of the world supports European prosecutors doing what the US won’t, and telling Zuckerberg, Musk, and all the other tech CEOs actively destroying our societies to go f*ck themselves and fine them into oblivion for exploiting everyone.
- A new poll found that 96% of New Jersey Democrats want the state to dig up all of Trump’s NJ golf course to look for the bodies rumored in the Epstein Files to be buried there.
- A conservative group that spends hundreds of thousands of dollars to find evidence of Democratic voter fraud so far has only found guilty Republicans who are also, coincidentally, sex offenders.
- Local Trump voters say they are “shocked and stunned” that Trump would promise repeatedly to pay everyone money from D.O.G.E. and the tariffs, but never actually give a penny.
- The state of New Mexico is reportedly getting dozens of calls an hour from people offering to help dig all around Epstein’s Zorro pedophile ranch for evidence of the “Trumpstein” sex-trafficking ring’s murders.
- An FBI agent is reportedly planning to release all the uncensored videos and photos of Trump in the Epstein Files after explaining, “Trump campaigned on releasing everything, so I’d hate to not do everything I can to help Trump’s campaign promise come true.”
- Mike Johnson is reportedly asking his staff how many days after Trump starts a war against Iran without Congressional approval he can get away with telling reporters he hasn’t heard or seen news about it yet.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
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The Halfway Post 