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- The Vatican crowd at St. Peter’s Square reportedly chanted, “Excommunicate Vance!” for 25 minutes this morning.
- Trump has reportedly been calling Republicans this weekend demanding that “under no circumstances” are they allowed to subpoena Melania to testify about her Epstein connections because he doesn’t trust her not to throw him under the bus.
- Michelangelo’s “The Last Judgement” painted in the Vatican is going viral because one of the figures depicted as being sent to Hell looks exactly like JD Vance.
- Left wing parties in France, Germany, and the UK are reportedly inviting JD Vance to come campaign for their right wing opponents and do as much political damage to them as Vance just did to Viktor Orban’s poll numbers.
- France’s Marine Le Pen, England’s Nigel Farage, and Germany’s AfD party have all reportedly requested today that JD Vance not come visit or campaign for them in their next elections.
- Trump is reportedly paranoid Melania will rat him out in exchange for an immunity deal, and is refusing to talk to her in case she’s wearing a wire.
- Marco Rubio is reportedly beginning to think it’s odd that Jared Kushner is doing all the negotiating with Iran despite not having a real government job, and that he has no idea what Kushner is offering Iran.
- Trump is reportedly worried Melania will start wearing a wire in some kind of immunity deal to save herself from any Epstein connections, but she doesn’t ever let him touch her so he’ll never be able to check.
- A new poll just found that 83% of Americans believe Donald Trump and JD Vance would have campaigned for Hitler.
- Federal judges are reportedly telling Trump officials that Trump’s plan to pardon all his staffers is a joke, and they will rule against him in 5 seconds as soon as the first lawsuit is signed to fast track it to the Supreme Court and dare the Trump-appointed justices to sign their names to a ruling that the entire executive branch can be above the law.
- White House insiders say Trump has been giving off “Jim Jones vibes” since Melania’s press conference where she called for justice for Epstein’s victims.
- Former MAGA fans who have finally accepted that Trump is a terrible president and a pedophile are reportedly committing themselves to not voting in 2028 because they’ve admitted they’re terrible judges of character.
- Iranian officials reportedly laughed out loud for 26 seconds after they heard Donald Trump was sending JD Vance to negotiate a deal.
- Trump is reportedly “terrified” that Melania’s unexpected Epstein-related press conference hinting at upcoming bombshell allegations will lead to a free-for-all where the other involved pedophiles will race to prosecutors to rat each other out for immunity deals.
- Trump is reportedly threatening Melania that if she rats him out on the Epstein stuff he’ll draft Barron to Iran.
- Melania Trump will reportedly hold a press conference tomorrow morning to deny unspecified rumors that she wears diapers, but she’ll also call for further investigations into who in government does wear diapers.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy. Request your local library order a copy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 