Expert: Nostradamus Predicted Donald Trump’s Pee Tape

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Chicago, IL—

According to Nostradamus scholar Pete Andrews, the famous French seer predicted Donald Trump’s pee tape.

Mr. Andrews has an impeccable scholarly resumé, having graduated with a bachelor’s degree in history from Wake Forest University, followed by a master’s degree from Princeton. Andrews completed his Ph.D. from Harvard, and wrote two simultaneous dissertations involving a major translation of Nostradamus’s  numerous almanacs as well as a biography of the French prophet’s life.

Though Andrews’ translations were finished more than a decade ago, he was stunned while rereading excerpts of his collegiate work by how closely one of the prophesies seemed to match the current political situation in the United States.

“It’s truly remarkable how close the quatrain I discovered matches the year 2016,” Andrews said. “Nostradamus seems to have intuited very accurately the coming existence of Trump’s pee tape. The amazing part is that the prediction we’re discussing is written in quatrain number 45 of the almanac. Coincidence? I think not!”

President Trump is, of course, the 45th President of the United States.

Mr. Andrews opened up his copy of the almanac dating back to the 1540s, and read the quatrain out loud explaining its context as he went.

“The first line reads, ‘When 16 Cossacks cross the great sky with unparalleled speedy invasion,’ and that seems to represent the Russian cyber hacking of America’s election in 2016. In English, of course, it loses its rhymes and meter, but its meaning in unmistakable. The second line reads, ‘The queen of the people will be felled by malicious barbarian tricks,’ and I believe that refers to Hillary Clinton’s popular vote victory over Trump coupled with Russia’s unrestrained fake news meddling campaign. The third line reads, ‘But the tyrant who steals the crown will himself be stolen from the throne,’ which seems to suggest that Trump will be impeached in his first term. And the fourth line reads, ‘By the Cossack king with a scroll telling of a golden pond inside an inn.’ I don’t believe I have to explain the last line’s symbolism.”

Andrews is currently publishing a more in-depth paper on the connections between the quatrain and Donald Trump’s alleged Russian kompromat.

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