Trump Says Republicans Cheated Way Too Much For Democrats To Have Won Fairly

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump is again alleging fraud in his election loss, but offered a novel rationale for accusing Democrats of cheating in the following series of tweets:

“I know for a fact that Democrats cheated, and it’s because we Republicans snuck in a whole lot of fraudulent votes ourselves (to test the system!). There’s no way Joe Biden got 75 million votes, because I barely got 65 million REAL votes! But if the media counts Biden’s fake votes…”

“…They have to count my fake votes, too! And none of the math in any of the swing states add up! There’s no way Georgia could have gone blue! We threw tens of thousands of the Blacks off the voter rolls and even got Kanye to run, so either Democrats cheated, or Governor Kemp is the dumbest governor ever!”

“And Arizona has Republican top officials, too! How could a red state let itself flip blue? Talk about RINOs! So I’m calling total BS on this election! I don’t know how Democrats did it, and all my lawyers’ lawsuits are being thrown out of court, but we’re fighting this until we find out how they cheated!”

“I just can’t believe that Sleepy Joe would beat me fairly! I’m your favorite president of all time, I’ve done more than all the others combined, and I’m a stable genius! How could I not be reelected? But just wait till one of my lawsuits finally sticks! We’ll finally get a recount, and you can count on me to suddenly get 100 million votes! MAGA!”

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