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- After Pam Bondi has gone missing for several days, the Trump Administration now says she never existed and was a hoax planted by Joe Biden to make him look bad.
- A Scottish protester snuck onto Trump’s golf course this weekend and put photos of Jeffrey Epstein in every hole for Trump to see when he reached for his ball.
- Republicans in Congress say if one more CEO or billionaire gets shot they might have to seriously consider some gun control.
- White House staffers are reportedly worried Trump’s worsening dementia will lead to him fondly reminiscing about his past with Jeffrey Epstein.
- Trump reportedly has blackmail on Chuck Grassley regarding his D.C. mansion’s underground “f*ck dungeon.”
- Trump Administration officials reportedly have daily “Epstein meetings” each morning to review all of Trump’s statements and excuses about Epstein so they can strategize on how to avoid making it more obvious Trump participated in the sex-trafficking.
- A liberal billionaire is reportedly buying small patches of land next to every golf course Trump owns so he can put up giant wind turbines.
- A famously homophobic televangelist in Utah whose gay sex tape just got leaked publicly says it was from last October, and he only filmed it because he thought Democrats would steal the election again and “turn America gay anyway.”
- A brand new MAGA spa just opened in Idaho where the milk is raw, the food is unregulated, and “leech therapy” is used to “suck and filter out all the childhood vaccines from conservative patriots’ blood.”
- White House insiders are reportedly worried Trump is now trafficking Attorney General Pam Bondi after no one has seen her in over a week following her inconsistent explanations on the Epstein files.
- Trump says he’d never be a broken record about a story like Democrats are being about the Epstein files.
- The new gerrymandered redistricting map in Texas puts every black person in the state in a single cobweb-shaped district that stretches to every corner of the Texan border.
- Trump’s grandkids are reportedly creeped out because the Epstein scandal is motivating Trump to talk to them and hold their hands in front of cameras for the first time in their lives.
- A new study found that the number one predictor of whether a man will be arrested for possessing child pornography is if he said publicly that he voted for Donald Trump to “go after child trafficking.”
- The United Nations is serving chicken tacos for lunch today to honor Donald Trump once again chickening out over his tariff threats that harm Americans more than anyone else.
- Trump is reportedly pissed his administration didn’t finish any trade deals while he golfed for 35 of the last 60 days.
- Trump is currently displaying his new trophy from his latest golf course’s tournament next to the “Highest IQ” trophy he gave himself at a mental games tournament he hosted at Mar-a-Lago last year that pitted himself against his son Eric who tried really hard, and several Republican members of Congress who very conspicuously let him win.
- A televangelist in Arkansas is defending Donald Trump from his Epstein allegations by pointing out “there’s plenty of rape, incest, and pedophilia in the Bible.”
- A televangelist in Louisiana claims Taylor Swift is “brainwashing an army of women and girls into sleeper agent feminist freedom fighters to conquer the US and enslave all the men so they can peg them.”
- A different televangelist, from West Virginia, claims Satan has engineered Taylor Swift’s relationship with football star Travis Kelce so Swift can give birth to the antichrist and ignite the apocalyptic thousand-year war against Christ. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 
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