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- Trump is yelling his catch phrase, “Stop the count!” again, this time about job numbers.
- Trump just fired his doctor for accurately recording his recent weight gain numbers.
- During the point at which all of Trump’s cabinet secretaries give 90-second spiels on how successful and energetic he is in their meetings, Trump fell asleep today and he audibly farted several times as they awkwardly continued praising him anyway.
- The first place trophy for Trump’s golf tournament at Mar-a-Lago next month already says “Donald J. Trump” on it.
- Ghislaine Maxwell is now reportedly claiming that the only thing she saw Donald Trump do with underage girls at Jeffrey Epstein’s house was lead Bible study sessions.
- White House insiders say Trump has started intentionally smelling worse than usual in meetings with foreign leaders as a power move to assert dominance.
- Trump’s new White House ballroom plans reportedly include a portrait of himself bigger than the portrait of Mao Zedong in Tiananmen Square.
- Trump is reportedly telling staffers that any incriminating photos of him from Epstein’s mansion that may or may not be in the Epstein files were planted by Joe Biden, especially the golden shower ones that sound like the Russian dossier rumors.
- Pam Bondi’s doctors say she’s currently at the hospital trying to get them to induce her into a coma so she doesn’t have to deal with the Epstein files cover up anymore.
- Trump claims his caddie who threw the ball to help him cheat at his Scottish golf tournament last weekend was hired by Joe Biden to rig golf tournaments against him.
- While Trump blames the falling job numbers on everything from Joe Biden, to DEI, to windmills, Josh Hawley says he’s worried masturbation is the true culprit.
- The European Union has reportedly asked Trump to stop coming to their negotiation summits made up like an orange clown.
- Trump says it’s “none of anyone’s business” what Todd Blanche, his previous personal lawyer now turned #2 at the DOJ, talked to Ghislaine Maxwell about.
- Trump is reportedly teaming up with televangelist Tom Kohl to start a company called “Trump Indulgences” that promises God will forgive one of your sins for each $47 indulgence you buy.
- A top minister from Scotland reportedly had to excuse himself from a trade meeting with Donald Trump last weekend saying Trump’s “expired roast beef stench filled the room” and gave him migraines, which made it impossible for him to focus on the discussion. 🥃
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The Halfway Post 
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