Trump is lazy and demented so the authors of Project 2025 are dominating his administration’s policies. The authors of Project 2025 like to think of their agenda as a “masculine rebuttal to #MeToo, Woke, and DEI.” Another author described it as “a new generation of Jim Crow, but for women.”
The following are their priorities for 2026:
- Federal funding for a national “Trump Youth” program for young people to build skills while volunteering to work at various Trump-branded properties
- Return prayer to schools so children can help pray to God to look out for all of America’s elderly and infirm who will be losing their Social Security, Obamacare, Medicaid, and Medicare benefits
- A national push to ban infringements upon child labor
- Amending Congressional rules to go back to banning women legislators from wearing pants
- The institution of “gaydar detectors” inside federal buildings, and research into “transdar”
- A Congressional resolution proclaiming that plastic surgery and other gender-affirming operations are okay with God for Christian women because they need to keep their looks to ensure their husbands stay monogamous, but gender-affirming operations are NOT okay for trans people
- Endorsing high school history books that sanitize the horrors of slavery, and omit the Trail of Tears, the Progressive Era, the Chicano movement, the Civil Rights Era, the Woke era. It will also present both sides of the who-won-the-2020-election
- Funding new ICE uniforms so ICE can look more like the Hugo Boss-designed Nazi uniforms to look sharp and imposing with lots of skull motifs while conducting their raids in workplaces, churches, businesses, hospitals, and anywhere else
- The installation of a stair lift machine for Trump to use in the White House because his body is deteriorating fast
- Hiring 10,000 more ICE agents, and prioritizing self-described incels who report on their applications that they cannot get dates even on the MAGA-themed dating app “Red Flags” because incels provide the kind of loyalty dictators can only get by giving homoerotically misogynistic men the only bit of power, coerced respect, and sense of belonging they’ve ever had
- The creation of an annual beauty pageant at the White House for teen girls that Trump will host and judge
- Funding a government initiative to “disprove once and for all the female orgasm”
- The institution of a federal tribunal to adjudicate “Women’s Crimes,” and a committee to study Iran’s morality police to try to adopt a similar police force in the US
- Reforming the national security policies on storage of top secret documents and the declassification process so that Trump can keep as many classified files in any bathroom he wants
- The Department of Health and Human Services will give Stephen Miller a grant of $250,000 to experiment on “human centipedes”
- A demand that all corporations update their Christmas branding so all depictions of Santa Claus and his wife from now show them with children so Santa no longer “sends the wrong message” that a childless Santa hangs around so many little boy elves
- Abolishing the FBI and CIA completely, and rolling their responsibilities into ICE so Trump has greater control and can make sure no one bothers him with nosey investigations into his BFF relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, or which dictators he’s selling what classified documents on our nuclear technology, spy capabilities, and our military positions throughout the world
- Funding to “study the alien abductions and subsequent anal probes” of Rudy Giuliani
- Unveiling an “Official Iconography of the Messiah” document that demands all public representations of Jesus feature Him having blonde hair, blue eyes, side abs, a pronounced Adonis belt, and a BMI no higher than 20.5
- The renunciation of the heliocentric model of the solar system, and a return to the Christian geocentric model
- Defunding all sex-ed programs in public schools, except for a new one called “Eve’s Great Mistake” which goes into gratuitous (but surprisingly — credit to them — biologically accurate) detail about menstruation and childbirth, and at the end is a pledge for all girls to sign officially apologizing for Eve’s mistake of eating the fruit in the Garden of Eden and promising to never disobey God or their future husbands
- National reinstitution of child marriage by lowering the age of consent nationally from 18 to “girls’ fathers’ permission”
- Education Department funding for public schools to have annual purity balls for kids starting in 5th grade
- A legislative push for bestiality to no longer be illegal because of its capacity to relieve the sexual frustrations of horny incels — Republicans promise it will still be a little societally frowned upon and not too directly encouraged, but bestisality just won’t be illegal anymore
- Legalizing cousin marriage and endorsing it in order to double down on Real American families’ white and Christian genetics in their kids’ DNA —RFK Jr.’s MAHA agenda is trying to change US health guidelines to state that incestual genetic decline is a liberal hoax and part of the “evolution scam”
- A last executive order that’s titled “Concentration Camps,” but is blank save for just one sentence that says, “TBD — still waiting to see where on the dictator scale from one to Hitler that Congressional Republicans will let Trump go.”
- Does my comedy give you a moment of cathartic relief and amusement? Become a paid subscriber to support my comedy for just $2.50 a month. 🥃
☕️ Or buy me a coffee if you want to help keep me caffeinated.
If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published two books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, and Satire In The Biden Years. Or, better yet, request your local library order a copy on their website.
I’ve also published three existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, and Hotel Golden Hours available in print and on Kindle.
Because our social media platforms are being scrambled up by oligarchs, if you like my humor, diversify where you follow me so you never miss my jokes to interrupt your doomscrolling: Twitter, Bluesky, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Spoutible, Medium, and Substack.
Browse my comedy portfolio, my graffiti news portfolio, and my poetry portfolio.
The Halfway Post 