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- Vladimir Putin was just given the 2026 Darwin Award early for his work genociding an entire generation of young Russian men in a senseless drone war that’s currently losing territory and removing Russian DNA from the global gene pool.
- A new poll found that 67% of voters now just assume any Republican who mentions “family values” or “Christian values” is secretly gay.
- A new poll found that 98% of Americans want former AG Bill Barr to be deposed immediately to find out why he covered up Epstein’s jail murder, refused to prosecute anyone other than Ghislaine Maxwell, and obstructed the New Mexico investigation into Zorro Ranch.
- Over 50 audience members sitting around Trump during his appearance at the Supreme Court today told reporters his smell was “unmistakable” and “distracting,” and one elderly woman described it as “a mixture of soupy fecal matter and rotten roast beef.”
- Trump reportedly left the Supreme Court early today because the 83-year-old woman sitting next to him got nauseous after he sat down and experienced what medical professionals call an “adverse olfactory event” by throwing up in her purse 6 minutes later.
- Top GOP officials are reportedly “terrified” the vigorous investigations currently being conducted by France, Poland, and the UK into Jeffrey Epstein’s bank records will prove Trump was deeply involved in the pedohpile cabal’s money laundering before the midterms.
- Pam Bondi is reportedly filling her home’s bathroom with boxes of unredacted Epstein Files for visitors to look through for a fee.
- Several major prediction markets are now taking bets on whether Trump’s kids and Jared Kushner move to Moscow, Riyadh, or Tel Aviv if Democrats take control of Congress and can investigate their insider trading, war profiteering, and collusion with foreign governments.
- A dozen countries in Europe currently investigating the Epstein Files are reportedly racing each other to be the first to subpoena Pam Bondi now that she’s fired and no longer employed by the US government.
- GOP officials are reportedly preparing emergency plans on how to pivot Congressional candidates’ campaigns in case any of the European nations investigating Epstein suddenly reveal videos of Trump with naked kids or proof that Trump laundered hush money with Epstein.
- The National Association of Pedophiles is reportedly buying 25 billboards in 25 cities to put up giant portraits of Todd Blanche with the words, “HERO TO PEDOPHILES EVERYWHERE” in honor of his work covering up the Epstein Files so almost no one involved was prosecuted.
- A new poll found that 80% of Americans believe Trump fired Pam Bondi today to distract from the much bigger crisis of him also firing Army Chief of Staff Randy George on the eve of an historically ill-advised invasion of Iran from which US hegemony will never recover.
- Someone just made a suspicious $1.6 million bet on several prediction markets that Trump will shit himself today.
- A federal judge reportedly just warned Trump not to claim bogus executive privileges to stop Pam Bondi from testifying to Congress about the Epstein Files cover up because he will tear up the filings himself.
- Todd Blanche has reportedly not yet accepted the National Pedophile Association’s 5-ft tall trophy for being named their 2026 “Pedophile Protector of the Year,” or its $10,000 prize.
- Republicans have reportedly told Donald Trump privately, “Nominate an unserious candidate for AG at your own peril, we are done voting for incompetent clowns… lol jk, they’d never do that.
- Pete Hegseth is reportedly beginning to worry he should have kept a few women or people of color in top military roles because now, when the Iran War turns into a giant disaster, he won’t have any minorities to blame.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy. Request your local library order a copy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 