Following Wonder Woman’s impressive success at the box office both in the US and world-wide, local Alt-Right Internet troll Zach Boyd has been suffering a severe bout of depression.
Having spent several months arguing with self-described social justice warriors on the social media website Tumblr that Wonder Woman was certainly “going to suck” because “women can’t be superheroes,” and that no one wants to see a movie that “everyone knows Hollywood is just stupidly pandering to little girls and lesbians with,” Boyd’s conceptions have clearly proven inaccurate.
Wonder Woman immediately shot to the number one spot at the box office, and several sequels are being planned, which has only further upset Boyd.
“It’s unfair,” Boyd said in a phone conversation with The Halfway Post yesterday. “Feminism is a disease infecting everything pure in this world. First girls thought they should be able to play video games, then Hillary Clinton won the popular vote against God Emperor Trump, and now feminism is even ruining comic book movies. My six-year-old sister even wants to become a construction worker now. I don’t want to live in a world where women think they should be able to do everything men can do.”
Boyd’s Tumblr site, which describes itself as being dedicated to “All things Patriarchal, Stephen Bannon, Pepe the Frog, Trump Train, Second Amendment, and neo-Nazis” has been inactive for three weeks now, with his last post tagging several SJW blogs and betting them $1 million each that Wonder Woman is the least successful superhero film of all time. It is highly doubtful that Boyd has the money to pay them from his part-time job as a busser in a Tex-Mex restaurant.
“Women can’t beat up men, it just doesn’t make sense for a superhero movie,” said Boyd. “DC expects me to believe that a girl can defeat Ares, the god of war? Give me a break. And why are they making even more Wonder Woman movies? We threw girls a bone and gave them one superhero movie, so can’t they just shut up finally? Can’t men have just one thing for themselves without women crying about sexism?”
After that comment, Boyd’s mother called down the basement stairs that dinner was ready.
(Photo courtesy of DC Films.)