A Trump family game of Monopoly in the White House last night ended the same way President Donald Trump’s real life business ventures typically end: a bankruptcy followed by a barrage of lawsuits.
Trump was reportedly playing as the banker in a game that included Melania, Don Jr., Eric, Ivanka and Barron, and, despite multiple accusations of fraudulent banking, Mr. Trump reportedly still went bankrupt.
Trump’s children had all caught him taking extra hundred dollar bills when he passed “GO,” which Trump said was fair because he claimed Russians were renting out his Atlantic City property.
On his last roll before quitting, Mr. Trump landed on the income tax square and became enraged, flipping the board and ruining the game for everyone because he had no money or unmortgaged properties left to pay the $200 tax.
Compounding his financial problems, no one would loan him money for the debt because he hadn’t paid back previous loans Eric and Don Jr. had given him to buy Park Place from Melania, who refused to sell unless Trump in real life would commit to giving Barron more money in his will than Eric. Trump agreed, and then mocked Eric and Don Jr. for being stupid enough to give him the game money he announced he had no intention of ever paying back.
After Trump flipped the board, Barron, who had the most property value at the time, was declared the winner by Melania, which upset Eric, who burst into tears at how “unfair” the game was, even though they had allowed him to start off with $300 more than everyone else when he insisted the game wouldn’t be realistic unless he was privileged like in real life.
Don Jr., meanwhile, had picked up a go-directly-to-jail Chance card the previous turn, and was relieved the game ended so soon.
President Trump then left the room with a huff and sulked for an hour, and when he returned he handed his children official notices that he was suing them all for $5 billion apiece for Trump brand damages due to the Monopoly bankruptcy they helped precipitate.
Eric Trump reportedly told his father to “go to heck.”
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