Alex Jones Is Concerned He Himself May Be A Government False Flag Plant

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Austin, TX—

Alex Jones on his InfoWars show earlier today told his audience that he has been super worried about something, and his worries are only getting stronger the more he thinks about them. Jones then explained that he was concerned that he himself was becoming a government false flag plant.

Jones has for a long time used his show to spout and even capitalize on conspiracy theories, and has accused numerous national calamities, particularly those involving gun-related mass murders, of being false flag operations orchestrated by the government in order for the government to take away citizens’ Second Amendment rights to owning machine guns.

Jones generated much controversy by claiming that the government was behind the tragic Newtown, Connecticut shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School. However, now his suspicions seem to have turned to himself.

“I’m not crazy, everybody says I’m crazy,” Jones began his rant. “But the lizard people are everywhere. You know that, I know that, everybody knows that. Hillary Clinton knows that, because she’s a lizard transgender frog lord demon from the planet Jupiter who came here via a space ship with an engine that is fueled by little abducted children’s bones. But as I was saying, the lizard people are everywhere. How do I know that? It’s obvious folks, I say it all the time. But they’ve become so powerful with the atheists and left wing, radical nazi, communist, Obama-loving socialist, fascist feminist gay agenda. In fact, I have to admit something. I think. I think—God, it makes me angry. I’m furious! Furious! But I think lizard Hillary Rodham Clinton has even infected me with her Jupiterian nazi Stalinist poison. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I am concerned that I myself am a lizard person. I think they’re trying to turn me into a false flag plant. I’ve suspected it for years, but I’m beginning to be more sure. I have said it before, but I am the victim of attempted government spying. Of brainwashing. They’re trying to turn me into a government plant. They want me to cancel my show, or to say something so vile that the liberal communist fascists can get my show canceled. They’re trying. They’re always trying. I think it’s something in the water. Water just tastes different now at every restaurant I go to. I swear. The government is everywhere, remember that folks. But I’m not gullible. Last week, just to be safe, I’ve started only drinking my urine. You have to be safe. Have to. There’s no choice. That’s right, folks, if you think the government is tailing you at restaurants to poison you with Hillary Rodham Clinton’s Jupiterian poison, the only way you can resist is by drinking your urine. And if you go to the InfoWars website, we are selling state-of-the-art urine filters for only $29.99. Get yours. I have five of them. You can never be too safe with the lizard people out there. I would buy at least two if I were you. You have to fight ‘em. They haven’t got me yet. I’m fighting it—I’m a fighter! I’ll never let them win and take me over. You can’t stop me! I promise you that. Folks, I will never give in to Hillary Rodham Clinton or the lizards hanging out in sewers all across America hoping, praying to their atheist Satan gods that Donald Trump is impeached, and neither should you.”

…Yikes.

(Photo courtesy of Sean P. Anderson.)

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