Alex Jones on his InfoWars show earlier today told his audience that he has been super worried about something, and that his worries are only getting stronger the more he thinks about them.
Jones then explained that he was concerned he himself was becoming a government false flag plant.
Jones has for a long time used his show to spout and capitalize on conspiracy theories, and has accused numerous national calamities, particularly those involving gun-related mass murders, of being false flag operations orchestrated by the government to remove the Second Amendment rights to owning high velocity, semi-automatic rifles.
However, now his suspicions have apparently turned on himself.
“I’m not crazy, everybody says I’m crazy,” Jones began his rant. “But the lizard people are everywhere. You know that, I know that, everybody knows that. Nancy Pelsoi knows that. She’s a transgender reptilian demon from another planet who came here via a space ship with an engine fueled by little abducted children’s bones. But her minions are everywhere. How do I know that? It’s obvious folks.They’ve become so powerful with the atheists and left-wing, radical communists, with their Obama-loving feminist gay agenda. In fact, I have to admit something. I think. I think—God, it makes me so angry. I’m furious! Furious! But I believe Hillary Rodham Clinton has even infected me with the reptilian poison. She got me with her fangs the other day, and then transmogrified into a toad and got away before I could shoot it. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. I am concerned that I myself am becoming a lizard person. I think they’re trying to turn me into a false flag plant. I’ve suspected it for years, but I’m beginning to be more sure. I’ve long been the victim of government spying. And of attempted brainwashing. There’s always at least one chemtrail above my house. They’re after me day and night! They’re trying to turn me into a government plant! They want me to cancel my show, or to say something so vile that the liberal communist fascists can ruin me. They’re trying. They’re always trying. I think it’s something in the water. Water just tastes different now at every restaurant I go to. I swear. I can’t even shower at home anymore. I haven’t bathed in months! They’ve even got to the bottled water. The government is everywhere, remember that folks. But I’m not gullible, I’m not falling for it. Last week, just to be safe, I started only drinking my urine. You have to be safe. Have to. There’s no choice. Nancy Pelosi is tailing you at all times, trying to get you to drink her poisons and venomous potions. Folks, I’m going to let you in on a secret. There’s only one thing you can do. The only way you can resist is by drinking your urine. And if you go to the InfoWars website, we are selling state-of-the-art urine filters for only $29.99. Get yours today. There’s literally no time left. I have five of them. You can never be too safe with the lizard demons. I would buy at least two if I were you. You have to fight ‘em. They’re trying, but they haven’t got me yet. I’m fighting it—I’m a fighter! I’ll never let them win and take me over. You can’t stop me! I will never give in to Hillary Rodham Clinton! They will never turn me into a gay frog! Never! Never! Never! No! Nooooooo! No! No! No! NOOOOOOOOO!”
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Facebook here, Twitter here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here!