America, It Was Nice Having Western Forests and Southeastern Costal Cities

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St. Louis, MO—

America, The Halfway Post has bad news we all knew for, seriously, decades was coming. We fucked up the planet, and our political leadersmostly red state onesdo not have the courage to orchestrate a societal solution for keeping climate change from getting worse.

Let us all take a moment of silence to reflect on how cool it was having the scenic West and the salty Gulf and Eastern seaboard. They treated us well. They were beautiful and both in the prime of their epochs, offering sunny, warm weather for millions of residents and travelers. Unfortunately they’re fucked, and people are going to be moving out of them in the coming decade or two.

Who wants to live in an inhospitable, toddler desert? Or visit a city claimed entirely by algae after the Game-Over Hurricane leaves all the under sea level parts of America physically under the sea? Science was a prophet ignored, Al Gore was an appropriate president cheated.

This may seem callous, but our American piece of land is calloused. Tornado valley is huge, and it’s only getting worse with warmer, more energetic atmospheres. Hurricanes are calling up their friends to come tag-team us. Fires are increasingly everywhere. Flooding has gotten Biblical—which will further inspire conservatives to govern as if the end times are imminent, and motivate greater obsession with the Middle East with which we should not be investing the money we would be much better off saving for personal, domestic energy and infrastructure money.

This superstorm season is a bitter reminder of our shameless hubris, for which mother nature is calling our bluff. We are weaker than the Earth, and the Earth will suffer less than humanity from a desolate planet.

Oh, and some ancient, deadly bacterium might be released from thawing permafrost no longer permanently frosting in Canada or Russia. Maybe, who knows? It’s possible! It’s a brave new world as the decaying planet gradually forces humanity back into the savage colosseum of base nature and survival struggle.

(Picture courtesy of the Forest Service.)

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