Vice President Mike “Sassy Pants” Pence Goes To Football Game Just To Walk Out


Indianapolis, IN—

Vice President Michael Richard Pence randomly decided to drop a quarter million dollars and go to a 49ers-Colts football game in Indianapolis to watch the players kneel so he could dramatically walk out and accuse the kneeling players of not supporting the troops on Twitter.

Then Trump bragged on his Twitter that he directed Pence to leave if players kneeled. The whole thing is a stupid stunt because the Trump Administration literally has nothing better to do than attack football players. The Trump Administration has much more free time than we’re used to in a presidency because their mission to wreck the government is way less demanding than the no drama Obama years of competency and societal focus.

But Mr. Michael R Pence, who is closer to the presidency every day Bob Mueller wakes up and goes to work, is conspicuously flexing his presidential muscles, perhaps seeing from the inside that the Trump ship is going down.

Mr. M. Richard Pence may get the presidency for himself if the FBI gives him a pass for the sake of somewhat face-saving continuity of government. But he doubly does not deserve it, and his politics are the most excessively identity-politicked ever: uncomfortably Christian male.


(Picture courtesy of DonkeyHotey, an artistic adaption of a Gage Skidmore photo.)

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