Donald Trump’s Admission That He Has Never Smoked Weed Makes A Lot Of Sense

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St. Louis, MO—

When you think about it, it makes total sense that Donald Trump has never smoked weed. He’s a poor man’s idea of a rich man, a shitty person’s idea of a great man, and an inappropriate president’s idea of an appropriate presidency. The people who elected Trump need to smoke more weed, too. Or smoke less cigarettes and not be perpetually fixing for another pack. Some of them need to smoke less meth. I’m looking at you Missouri.

Trump is just not a chill guy. He doesn’t share well with others, and he definitely would hog the blunt. And he’s such a snowflake that the social paranoia would no doubt terrify him into a catatonic heart attack.

Trump would be the guy who zones out and then freaks out over and over, thinking everyone is talking about him. Everyone would be sitting in a room being social and Trump would get up out of his chair, declare, “Fine! I’ll leave!” and close the door on everyone’s shocked faces trying to figure out if the outburst was a joke or for real. Someone would do a lap around the house and see that Trump was really gone, and then the party would slowly get back to where it was. People at the party who didn’t know him would also remember that day some guy got super upset from being paranoid. That would be Trump high at a house party. Actually, that sounds pretty much like Trump now…

If Trump is lying about never getting stoned—he does lie about most things—he probably loathed being high. Maybe he hated it because it made him realize how much unnecessary competition he injected into every aspect of his sorry life.

Talk about a person who needs to chill the f*** out.

(Picture courtesy of Gage Skidmore.)

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