Republican Guys Realize Free Birth Control Helps Their Chances Of Sleeping With Women, Form Advocacy Group

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St. Louis, MO—

A group of Republican voters in St. Charles, MO, have organized a political action committee to try and convince more Republicans nationally that quality healthcare for women, including covered birth control, actually helps their chances of getting laid.

Their group, Republicans For Casual Sex (RFCS), is advocating a mandate for all health insurance companies to cover birth control, without religious exemptions.

“I was thinking the other day that I almost never have sex with a woman,” explained group founder Terry Hagen, a life-long Republican voter. “And I realized that some women don’t have sex with men because of the inherent risk of pregnancy, and then I remembered that many women have issues getting birth control from their insurance plans. So I started RFCS to help promote women’s reproductive health…and casual, consequence-less sex.”

The group is made entirely of men, but RFCS hopes to attract females at monthly dual-gendered mixers they organize. Group members also meet three times a month to share tips on attracting women and talk about the US healthcare system.

“I used to get pissed off that the government would make me, a male, have to pay extra money to cover women’s birth control, but then I realized that if all the women around me are on birth control, that could actually be a good thing,” said Ralph Killian of St. Peters, MO, who joined RFCS two months ago. “And in all reality, the extra money I have to pay per month for women’s birth control is probably like 75 cents or something, but when you think about it, that’s a pretty cheap price to pay for an increase in the likelihood that I can have sex more often.”

The Republican Party has historically stood in opposition to casual sex, but the conservative men in Republicans For Casual Sex see it differently.

“I used to hate the idea of women having random sex with strangers as if they should have bodily autonomy without written or even verbal consent from the woman’s future husband, but then I realized I could potentially be that stranger women choose to have sex with,” explained Paul Irmingham, a RFCS member from Lake St. Louis, MO. “Birth control became a much simpler and more reasonable political issue when I had an epiphany that I could make it all about myself.”

Good luck, boys.

(Picture courtesy of Mario Piperni.)

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