Trump’s Campaign Is Selling Trump-Branded Medical Masks For $45 Each

Washington D.C.—

President Donald Trump has come under heavy criticism for appearing to try to opportunistically profit personally off of the coronavirus pandemic scare.

The Trump campaign’s website today added Trump-branded medical masks as fundraising item available for purchase.

Trump addressed the controversy on Twitter in a series of tweets:

“Has everyone seen how much demand there is for medical masks? Of course I’m going to sell them. I’m a business man! Besides, at this rate of my perfect coronavirus response, no one’s even going to need a mask anyway!”

“We’ve done almost everything right, except for the few things that Obama did that totally hampered our response! I’d give myself an A+ because I know so much about coronavirus. I bet even my uncle from MIT couldn’t do it better than me!”

“So listen to Fox News, everyone! Go out and enjoy crowded, public places. If you get sick you can order a Trump Mask from my site for just $45 and get all better! It’s win-win for everyone! Unless you want to put your money into stocks, cause that’s cool, too!”

“If you have any spare pennies or nickels you find while cleaning your house during your quarantine, please put them into the stock market! I’ve taken credit for everything good about stock prices for a long time, so things are looking a little bad for me right now. If everyone could help get stocks back up, that’d be great!”

“But just know the low stocks are not because of me! Only the high stocks are my work. And, besides, it was all coronavirus’s fault! Don’t blame me because I was trying not to make a big deal about coronavirus in the first place! I wasn’t even acknowledging it! If it was up to me…

“…The coronavirus would have done its thing and everyone would have just thought they had the flu and stock prices would be up, and my reelection chances would be looking very good!”

“But now Democrats and the Fake News media are making a big deal about it, and stocks are suffering. So it’s not my fault for doing nothing about coronavirus until this week, it’s Democrats’ fault for politicizing that fact! I deserve an A+, high stock prices, and a reelection!”


His tweets just ended there with an apparent reprise of his “covfefe” tweet.

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(Picture courtesy of John Seidman. [We added the Trump quotes].)

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