Quarantine Protesters Take A Break To Go Protest Abortion

Washington D.C.—

Conservative protesters clamoring outside state capitol buildings to argue for halting quarantine efforts took a brief break today to go protest in front of local Planned Parenthoods instead.

Many commentators in the media noted the irony of being both pro-life and pro-pandemic deaths.

However, the protesters disagreed.

“It’s not ironic at all!” exclaimed Ginger Trayson, 38. “The government doesn’t get to tell me what to do with my body, like, say, commanding me to stay at home and not be able to go outside in public, get a haircut, or lick fruit everyone’s touched at the grocery store! The only thing the government gets to tell me what to do is to have a baby during a compromised pregnancy I didn’t want and can’t support! That’s the government’s role in our society! Not this COVID quarantine bull plop!”

Ms. Trayson took a moment to lift her middle fingers into the air and scream that Dr. Fauci was a communist.

“If people are going to die from coronavirus, well they’re going to die,” continued Trayson. “Tough, that’s God’s will! Except for babies. God never wills abortion. Women coming to personal decisions based on who knows what external circumstances to abort a baby in states with accessible abortion clinics is not God’s will. God’s will is mysterious in all regards except that! I don’t know why He allowed Roe V. Wade to happen in 1973, but it definitely was not to promote abortion!”

Trayson raised her middle fingers again and yelled at the Planned Parenthood building asking rhetorically what would have happened if Trump had been aborted and America wasn’t made great again.

“But it’s totally different in terms of the COVID pandemic,” said Trayson. “Now, if the coronavirus only impacted fetuses in the womb, then I’d be 100% in support of a state-wide quarantine… but coronavirus affects people already born, so there’s no sense in quarantining. It’s counter-productive to spend time or money thinking about ways to mitigate the problems of babies, children and adults after they’re born! The government has no right to improve the subjectivity of people’s lives, only to ensure the objectivity of their birth. That’s the pro-life way!”

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