Encouragement For Trump Resisters

Reminder that Donald Trump is “Individual 1” in at least several of the crimes for which Michael Cohen has already been prosecuted and imprisoned. Trump has lots of sealed indictments waiting for the second he is no longer the sitting president

If MAGA incel terrorists don’t kill us all following a Biden win, the spectacular irony of post-Trump Republicans in 2021 lecturing the Biden Administration on family values, pro-life policies, personal integrity and cultural divisiveness certainly will.

It has always been obvious Donald Trump is on drugs, but the fact that he accused Joe Biden of being on drugs makes me 100% certain Trump takes stimulants every day.

I wish the media would pounce on Trump for admitting to Woodward that he lied about COVID and could have better prevented 200K+ deaths with 1/10th of the intensity that they pounced on Hillary Clinton for having a private email server.

When saying you’re pro-compassion, pro-decency, and pro-equality is considered to be a political attack against the sitting president, your country is really messed up.

Every journalist and pundit who ever claimed “this is the day Trump became president” because he read a boring speech verbatim off a teleprompter should lose a $1,000 in salary per moronic utterance.

It’s like Democrats are just watching DeJoy and Trump steal the election. The week of the election the sky is going to be black with burning Democratic ballots and Dems are going to wonder if maybe they should have hearings in 3 weeks and then give up when subpoenas go unanswered.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the wild graft, fraud and foreign investment we saw in the NRA mirrors the Republican Party at large.

The GOP is basically a battered spouse staying with Trump because everyone told the GOP he was dumpster trash but elected him anyway, and 1 night a week he brings home tax cuts for the rich or a torn up regulation instead of beating something they used to ideologically cherish.

The “compassionate conservative” Christian family-values people are suspiciously happy to keep a serial rapist con man currently disintegrating their standard of living by almost every metric out of prison and in the office of the POTUS because it will own the libs.

It’s sad to watch our country threaten to collapse because of one bad administration led by a sociopath who wouldn’t care about the gravity of the political and cultural responsibility vested in his job even if he could understand it.

It’s pretty interesting how everyone from Joe Biden’s past is not writing tell-all books about what an asshole criminal he is.

It’s really a testament to Barack Obama’s good governance that it took Trump a full 3.5 year to run America into the ground.

I can’t wait until 2021 when QAnon convinces half the country that Joe Biden’s White House is electrified from hydropower connected to a river of baby blood sourced from Hillary Clinton’s basement.

After Trump is gone we should record every Trump staffer’s response to why they were loyal to Trump, and then edit together a masterclass on fascist bootlicking.

Donald Trump thinks you’re a loser if you die for America… but sign up today to be his incel MAGA militiaman!

Trump will turn America into a developing nation if it means he can continue charging the government to follow him from one Trump property he owns to another.

It makes no sense that coal miners are pandered to so heavily by Republicans… there are only 50,000 coal miners in America. There are sooo many more teachers, truck drivers, nurses, etc. It’s just that coal mining CEOs give the GOP tons of money to let them dump in our rivers.

Presidents should probably not have personal Twitter accounts to manipulate global politics on any given momentary whim anymore…

I can’t wait for the day Republicans start thinking of inherited wealth as a handout that makes people lazy.

If Trump had been alive in the 1930s he would have run for president against FDR in order to get building permits for a Trump Tower in Berlin, and then looked the other way as German U-boats started sinking American commercial boats.

Is there one member of the Senate who likes Ted Cruz? Lindsey Graham said no senator would even convict Ted Cruz’s murderer if they were lucky enough to see it in person.

I can’t wait until Donald Trump Jr. sneezes out a white cloud in the middle of a Fox News interview accusing Joe Biden of not being his own man.

Lindsey Graham deserves to lose more than any other Republican incumbent… and that’s really saying something in 2020.

What if Democrats adopted GOP ideas to run the government like a business by closing every post office, DMV, Social Security office, and gov’t building in cities smaller than 100,000 people? It would make rural conservatives’ lives miserable driving for hours to do anything. And when those rural conservatives complain, Democrats can accuse Republicans of bloating the government to bribe votes from lazy rural “takers” who are bankrupting the country being so needy as to need nearby government services.

USPS could be incredibly profitably if it closed thousands of small post offices in rural, conservative areas, or started charging rural people prohibitively expensive prices for their stamps. But, thanks to LIBERALS, rural citizens can get their mail delivered equally.

The media really does not mock Trump enough for having his kids be his advisers. Besides the fact that it’s a disgrace America is represented abroad by “POTUS’ Daughter” and “POTUS’s Son-In-Law,” it’s embarrassing because their life experience is limited to “inherited things.”

Anyone else think it’s getting to be a pretty good moment for Mueller to take one for the team and leak everything he knows that will stop this madness? Before DeJoy burns all the mail-in ballots, MAGA incels stand guard at polling stations, and Trump wins with 97% of the vote?

The debt is projected to exceed the GDP next year, which hasn’t happened since WWII, when we were saving the world from fascism. This time it’s because the GOP just wouldn’t… stop… cutting… taxes. And because we have a fascist president spending our money to bribe various voting blocks (mostly the rich).

Hey, Democrats! Donald Trump and Bill Barr would have wayyy less time and mental bandwidth to cheat the election and ruin America if you subpoenaed them and impeached them for breaking a plethora of laws and norms!

There are literally thousands of cops on video committing crimes of lying, brutality, and murder. We need a truth and prosecution process to go through all these videos of police brutality and clean house in police departments around the country.

How the f*** has Bill Barr not been disbarred yet??

Hopefully Trump’s next mini-stroke occurs in the part of his brain controlling empathy and makes him less of a sociopath.

Donald Trump’s cell phone call history would be a collusion evidence goldmine if it leaked out. Nightly calls to Putin, MBS, and Erdogan? It’s not like he’s reading his presidential briefings.

If you don’t vote for Biden because he’s not liberal enough for you, you’re not going to get a chance to vote again. You’re going to have a series of Trump kids as president with rigged elections backed by foreign money laundered into GOP superPACs in exchange for unAmerican policy.

I never want to hear Republicans talk about being pro-life again, or ever say “all lives are sacred.” They’re calling for COVID lies, herd immunity, and incel white supremacist violence.

Trump wants an incel revolution so he doesn’t have to go to jail, and MAGA fans’ only chance for sex is in a fascist dictatorship so it’s win-win.

The fact that MAGA fans are oblivious to Trump’s obvious personal insecurities about his face, hair, hands, height, weight, reputation with dictators, intelligence, health, and all comparisons with Obama explains a lot about their lack of empathy on policy issues.

We have a Presidency, Cabinet, and Senate (and therefore Supreme Court) led by the party that got fewer votes. And has gotten fewer votes in 6 of the last 7 elections.

Hey, Republicans: nothing will make socialism more of an inevitability than giving Donald Trump 4 more years to ruin every aspect of American society he hasn’t already smeared with his grubby little sausage fingers.

Russia is increasingly harassing our troops and pilots. When they’re not paying the Taliban to kill them. Maybe this would change if Trump spent a fraction of the energy he spends hiding his tax returns on standing up for our military against Russian aggression.

If you, like Tucker Carlson, think it’s okay for a 17-year-old to drive to a different state with an illegal gun to commit pre-meditated murder against protesters in a community in which he does not belong in order to role-play white supremacy against protesters calling for racial equality immediately following a horrifyingly unnecessary extra-judicial police murder of a citizen with inalienable Constitutional rights to be tried in a court of law for any alleged crime by a jury of his peers, and then for that 17-year-old murderer to be unharassed by the police even as bystanders are shouting out that he just killed the dead people down the street… you don’t actually care about freedom or the Constitution, and you’re not pro-life, pro-cop, Christian, or an American worthy of the legacy or history of the country you claim to love.

It’s too bad our FBI and CIA are apparently powerless to stop a traitor president from selling our country to our adversary and cheating the election with direct foreign collusion.

I guess Donald Trump’s favorite president is James Buchanan by the way he too is doing nothing to prevent a country threatening to fracture into two.

If you read FDR’s 1930s campaign speeches, the socio-economic problems are the exact same. Same shit, different century.

If Trump asked everyone at his convention speech to spit in each other’s mouth to prove their allegiance to him, what percentage of the crowd would do it?

Melania always has Resting I-Hate-My-Husband Face.

Donald Trump is maddeningly bad at presidenting. The country is falling apart, and yet he adds insult to injury pointing to the riots and white supremacist murderers and COVID deaths and says that’s what you’ll get with Joe Biden. That’s what we have NOW with Donald Trump.

If Trump got COVID and passed away, would Evangelicals admit God hated him?

Trump’s fear mongered rants about Biden’s socialist America sounds way better, safer, and happier than Trump’s America wrecking our lives right now.

Maybe black people should go everywhere with AR15s, it seems to be the secret signal to show cops you’re on their side.

Reagan Republicans convinced conservatives to start a Christian values culture war to win enough votes to rob the economy for the rich, who then lost their minds pretending Clinton and Obama were terrible and W.Bush wasn’t, and now they worship Trump and want to start a real war.

Christians are hastening the decline of Americans’ religious belief by not acting at all according to their supposed morals and values.

Moscow Mitch should use a little moderation in his destruction of America, it would be a shame if he ruined America before he was able to become a billionaire profiting off his government job.

It is a searing indictment of conservative Evangelical character that Trump’s atheism is excused with a litany of absurd justifications trashed by Trump himself admitting he has never asked God for forgiveness. That is the one requirement of Christianity, yet unconcerned Evangelical Trump fans go to church and sing along to psalms detailing Jesus’s charity and compassion while mentally praising Trump for using the bully pulpit to stamp out every trace of Christian morality in the federal government. Trump’s primary campaign plank was that foreigners should not be treated as the native among us, which suggests the obvious accusation that Jesus was a libtard.

Donald Trump is the poster boy of the 7 Deadly Sins, and his preposterous vanity, con man artistry, and gauche thirst for vengeance makes him a perfect call-back auditioner for the antichrist.

Conservative Evangelicals’ culture war zealotry has turned them into the very Christ-less monsters they have always claimed to be fighting against, and their embrace of Donald Trump, whose family history, personality, business career, and presidency are, fundamentally, the antithesis of the New Testament, will be remembered in history as the catalyst for the Religious Right’s end of political relevance.

What kind of God would allow Jerry Falwell Jr. to wax poetically about following Jesus’s message of righteous altruism, and then get unnecessarily rich selling Christianity to people in the form of university tuition and suspicious business deals that seem to be covering up lifestyle choices not endorsed by the Bible?

What kind of God would allow Jerry Falwell Jr. to profess Biblical values of masculinity and then throw his wife under the bus blaming her for his current predicament?

The GOP is going out like the Whigs: 1/2 the GOP wants straight up fascism, and the other half has been caught standing for nothing since Trump threw out decades of free market ideology, foreign policy, and “compassionate conservatism.” The glue of owning the libs can’t hold.

Backing the blue no matter what is fundamentally anti-cop, and so is bitching about criticism and refusing to accept reform. There’s nothing more anti-cop than the police expecting trust and respect while refusing to hold the bad apples ruining both accountable. That’s a cult.

You know what’s not pro-cop? Cops killing people and making people hate cops. Cops are being more anti-cop than anyone else. They could be more pro-cop by ditching the thin blue line cult and outing all the bad apple cops in their departments. That would be the most pro-cop development in America. But instead they say nothing when their bad apple colleagues shoot family dogs in fenced yards, arrest people for “resisting arrest,” shakedown groups of black men, plant drugs and weapons on people retroactively, train each other to instigate and escalate every situation with overwhelming force, do no-knocks at the wrong house, and kill people. Backing the blue no matter what is anti-cop.

We have an obviously atheist president gassing and beating up people to go to a church and hold up a Bible for the first time in his life in an obvious photo-op. I wouldn’t be so worried about God. He’s clearly not omnipotent, omniscient, and all-loving. You have to cut out at least one of those.

In a way, I guess it’s a little bit of karmic relief to know that no one hates Donald Trump more than Donald Trump the way he spends every day terrorized with self-consciousness to the point where he wears copious makeup, fake hair and tweeting lies about his hand size, crowd sizes and approval ratings obsessively.

Trump is blatantly the most atheist president we’ve ever had, and he’s worse than the other secret atheist president because he’s so offensively bad at pretending.

What if Democrats impeached Trump again over his mail fraud? The next two months could be full of public investigations and testimony, and Democrats could campaign on the side featuring nonstop stories of farmers whose livestock are dying in transit all of a sudden, and elderly veterans not getting their medication in a timely manner. Also, their Congressional oaths kind of demand they protect USPS, an institution literally mandated in the Constitution. An impeachment effort will look political right before an election, of course, but it will be better than following Trump declaring victory on election night while USPS is “losing” tons of ballots and the RNC sues to declare all the delayed ballots as fraudulent and Trump gets a second term. The people saying “let Americans decide on Trump’s crimes in the election” are the same people who will say “America decided Trump is innocent” after Trump wins by cheating our election. The public pressure of an impeachment investigation could dissuade a lot of would-be Republican criminals from getting involved in the sabotage, bring out dozens of hundreds of whistle-blowers, cripple Trump’s approval ratings, and be the right thing for Congress to do per their oaths of office. It seems to me that, as usual, Democrats are self-destructing themselves going above and beyond to avoid the slightest hint of political opportunism while Republicans break every rule possible and cement their illicit, unpopular minority party control of our democracy.

From The Halfway Post vault:

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