- He pushes a Chinese minister out of the way while everyone is lining up for a photo — 66%
- He makes a Chinese official visibly gag due to his body odor — 100%
- He makes a Chinese official sitting next to him throw up due to his body odor — 50%
- He makes two Chinese officials sitting on either side of him during a dinner throw up due to his body odor — 25%
- He does the thing where he shakes a Chinese official’s hand and starts jerking it around like a psychopath — 95%
- Trump starts doing a racist Chinese accent in a press conference after a meeting with Xi Jinping — 40%
- Two or more leaders are caught on camera rolling their eyes while staring at Trump and whispering to each other — 100%
- A multilingual female member of the Chinese diplomatic delegation pretends to not know English during a dinner to avoid talking to Melania — 33%
- Trump announces with no warning for the US government or America’s allies that the US will no longer be giving any military assistance to Taiwan — 33%
- Trump announces with no warning for the US government or America’s allies that the US is quitting NATO — 15%
- Trump announces with no warning for the US government or America’s allies that the US is quitting the United Nations and ceding America’s diplomatic hegemony to China — 10%
- Trump’s feelings get hurt from something and he announces the tariffs on China are going up to 500% — 33%
- Trump gets offered some personal bribe and announces tariffs on China will go to 0% — 66%
- Trump asks Xi Jinping to nominate him for a Nobel Peace Prize — 100%
- Trump announces Xi Jinping has promised to nominate him for a Nobel Peace Prize in exchange for ending decades of strategic ambiguity on defending Taiwan — 50%
- Trump announces he will be asking Congress to send Taiwan $20 billion in high tech missile and drone defense systems because Xi Jinping refuses to invest in his Trump crypto coin—33%
- Trump brings up the taboo topic of the Tiananmen Square Massacre, but in a positive light to congratulate China for its “great strength” — 90%
- Trump brings up the ancient custom of Chinese foot-binding to fawn over how “obedient” Chinese women are — 5%
- Trump references the stereotype that Chinese people have small penises, and then rants for several minutes about how big Arnold Palmer’s dong was — 15%
- Trump audibly passes gas during a press conference — 100%
- Trump skips a photo-op because all the officials, including the women wearing heels, want to walk up a small flight of stairs at the Great Wall — 75%
- Trump falls asleep on camera — 100%
- The summit organizers serve tacos for lunch one day to troll him for his “Trump Always Chickens Out” nickname — 10%
- Trump tells one of his staffers, “I wish Ivanka still came to these things so there’d be some sex appeal.” — 75%
- Trump tells a random Chinese general, “Hey, you should come to Mar-a-Lago. I’ve got a package deal on the penthouse suite. You should see the broads that hang around. They’re all exactly my type. You ever hear about the ‘Mar-a-Lago face’ look? I don’t know what it is, but I’m just not attracted to any women who don’t have at least twenty grand of plastic in their bodies!” — 30%
- Trump tells Xi Jinping he’s missing out by not selling “Xi” themed Bibles — 20%
- Xi Jinping’s wife offers and then insists Trump take a breath mint — 80%
- Trump calls an American reporter a “cunt” during a joint press conference with Xi jinping — 75%
- Xi Jinping gives Trump a giant trophy with a “Smartest President Ever” engraved plate on it with a recording device in it — 100%
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 