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- A viral joke on social media to turn Trump’s White House UFC fight on America’s 250th birthday into the “gayest party in US history” is becoming real as hundreds of gay men are actually buying tickets and planning to show up shirtless, glittered up, and very flamboyant.
- The National Association of Amateur Tuba Players is reportedly organizing a group of 200 of their newest and least talented musicians to go to Washington D.C. and blare their instruments during Trump’s 250th Anniversary speech.
- Ken Paxton says he had a long talk with God last night, and God has totally forgiven him for his abuses of office, bribery, securities fraud, mortgage fraud, sweetheart deals for rapist pedophiles, whistleblower retaliations, marital infidelities, and pen theft.
- Legal experts in D.C. unanimously agree that Donald Trump’s plan to put himself on a new $250 bill will be immediately struck down in court because the law is clear no living person can be on dollar denominations, and if any are made their legal value will be $0.
- The Pedophile Association just endorsed Ken Paxton saying, “Since Matt Gaetz left, there hasn’t been anyone in Congress with the courage to be the lone vote against laws fighting sex-trafficking, and Paxton has the proven record on keeping pedophiles out of jail.”
- White House janitors are warning that the next president will have to sweep the White House for recording devices Trump left to try and collect blackmail to use to avoid the inevitable criminal investigations and prosecution of his rampant fraud, theft of tax dollars, abuses of power, and ubiquitous corruption.
- Mike Johnson is reportedly asking his staff how many consecutive 60-day periods they think he can get away with letting Donald Trump have to violate the Constitution by waging his $50 billion war against Iran without Congressional authorization or public transparency.
- Top Republican officials are reportedly beginning to worry Donald Trump actually wants Democrats to win both chambers of Congress so he can blame them for why his administration is passing no legislation, wrecking the economy, and dismantling global supply chains.
- A new poll shows that even 73% of Trump voters think his decision to give a 90-minute partisan speech at the 250th Anniversary is stupid.
- So many LGBTQ+ groups are reportedly buying tickets to the Trump White House UFC fight that the website crashed.
- Ted Cruz is ecstatic that if Ken Paxton gets elected to the Senate he will, in comparison to Ken, look like the Senate’s football captain prom king instead of the Senate’s most annoying dweeb.
- A row of portapotties accidentally got knocked over by a forklift at the White House UFC arena site and spilled excretory waste all over the stage.
- To be fair to Trump, running the country into the ground enough for Peter Thiel to emigrate away to Argentina is keeping his campaign promise to get immigrants out of America.
- The top Iranian negotiator reportedly told Trump, “If you’re so serious about a peace deal, give me that Nobel Prize you stole.. and your FIFA Peace Prize!”
- Katie Miller hasn’t denied that Stephen Miller owns an authentic Nazi uniform, and they roleplay as Joseph and Magda Goebbels in the bedroom.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 