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- A new poll found that 72% of Americans and 91% of non-Americans believe Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner’s new private island resort is intended to be a remake of Jeffrey Epstein’s island for sex-trafficking.
- QAnon fans say they’ve been betrayed by the Trumps after Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner announced their new private island resort right after their dad got busted being all over the Epstein File: “It’s obvious they’re just rebuilding the homebase for the blackmail sex-trafficking ring their dad was a part of so they can use it to blackmail their way into political power like their dad!”
- Trump is reportedly pissed he’s going to become one of the “loser presidents” who died of natural causes before the end of their presidencies.
- Ivanka Trump was just named “Nepo Baby of 2026” for her impossibly oblivious inability to read the room while announcing her and her husband’s Albanian resort project in a video interview that revealed surprisingly out of touch, silver spoon vacuousness.
- Trump has reportedly screamed at Benjamin Netanyahu for claiming the Iran War would be fast and easy because now it’s consuming his entire presidency, and distracting him from valuable brainstorming time he could be more productively using to think up new government buildings and monuments he can put his name on.
- Iranian and Israeli negotiators are reportedly breaking the ice between them and even beginning to bond with each other over how indecisive and useless Trump has been during the various ceasefire and nuclear negotiations, and US diplomats even walked in on several Israelis and Iranians laughing together about how bad Trump smells before they saw the Americans entering the room and resumed giving each other the silent treatment.
- So many LGBTQ+ groups are reportedly buying tickets to Trump’s White House UFC fight to co-opt it into an “America’s Coming Out Of The Closet Party” that Trump’s website crashed.
- Legal experts in D.C. unanimously agree that Donald Trump’s plan to put himself on a new $250 bill will be immediately struck down in court because the law is clear no living person can be on dollar denominations, and if any are made their legal value will be $0.
- A White House insider says the underground bunker Trump’s building is really a mausoleum for himself, and Republicans are letting him build it because his “big one” stroke is coming any day now, and it’ll be convenient to hide his body down there pretending he’s alive.
- Eric Trump is reportedly pissed because it was his idea to build a giant resort island and Jared and Ivanka stole it, but his original idea was “way better” because, instead of just using the island resort to recreate Epstein’s sex-trafficking ring, his idea was to build an “edible glue” factory that would make the family billions.
- The scientists tasked with studying the sudden return of the previously eradicated flesh-eating screwworm parasite to America are calling themselves “The Elon’s Fuckup Fixers” because Elon Musk ended 60 years of successful monitoring and strategic releases of sterile flies to prevent the parasite’s spread when D.O.G.E. randomly cut the funding and fired the experts who oversaw this effort.
- God says Hell isn’t real because it doesn’t make much logical or empathetic sense to suffer infinite torment for a finite amount of sin committed within a mortal lifespan, but He’ll make an exception for Trump whose Hell experience will be an eternity of getting sex-trafficked himself, and, He hasn’t decided on all the details yet, but there will somehow be a lot of sharks, windmills, and Mexicans also involved.
- Several gay dating apps are reportedly installing extra servers in Washington D.C. in anticipation of the expected 250th Anniversary surge in traffic that inevitably occurs during major Republican-oriented events for gay hookups.
- The billionaire pedophiles in the Epstein Files are reportedly “really bummed out” that Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump’s “Epstein Island #2” project is getting squashed by protesting Albanians.
- The Trump Administration is reportedly worried the soldiers they’re pressuring to attend the White House UFC fight will chant out “Release the Epstein Files” during the match.
- A homophobic televangelist from Alabama claims he has found an Old Testament prophecy that proves this year’s LGBTQ+ Pride Festival in Washington D.C. will spark the final battle between Jesus and the Antichrist.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 