- White House insiders say Trump regularly complains to his staffers that Iran is selfish for not just agreeing to a deal that makes him look like a genius negotiator and totally rips them off, ignoring the fact that they control the Strait of Hormuz.
- The Saudis and Emiratis are reportedly threatening to withdraw all their money from Trump’s shell companies and crypto ventures as well as Jared Kushner’s private equity fund if the Iran War spins further out of control and Iran bombs their oil and desalination plants, and bankrupt the entire family.
- Trump is reportedly forcing JD Vance use a “Trump Phone” so he can read all of Vance’s text messages and see his call history to make sure Vance stops leaking to the media that he was skeptical about the Iran War.
- White House doctors say Iran must agree to a peace deal or Trump will have a heart attack.
- The Iranian Revolutionary Guards just announced they’ll agree to open the Strait of Hormuz and give up all their nuclear material in exchange for the US releasing all the Epstein Files with no redactions.
- Government leakers say Vladimir Putin convinced Trump that the Russian military was only sharing intelligence on US troop positions with Iran so that the Iranians would know where NOT to bomb.
- A terrified Pete Hegseth reportedly told Trump to make a deal with Iran after the Revolutionary Guard revealed a battalion of all trans, gay, and female soldiers.
- Military officials are reportedly having problems getting the soldiers training for a potential Iranian invasion to stop sarcastically yelling, “For Epstein!” every time they salute each other
- Trump is reportedly demanding that Iran open up the Strait of Hormuz before his birthday in June as a birthday present.
- An Iranian official says the only nuclear dust Trump will get is the “nuclear-level dusting” he’s doing in his diaper every time Iran says, “No deal!”
- Iranian officials are reportedly close to refusing any more negotiations with Trump until after Congress forces him to take a mental fitness test and releases the results publicly.
- Two Fox News staffers reportedly had mental breakdowns this weekend after reading the morning network-wide memos listing various paradoxical excuses spinning how Trump’s disastrous Iran war has been a victory for America.
- Dozens of millionaires and billionaires are reportedly pissed the Iran War forced them to move back to the US from their tax havens in the UAE, and now they’ll have to pay taxes again and start contributing back to the society that allowed them to get rich.
- An Iranian diplomat reportedly said about Jared Kushner at their latest negotiation meeting, “Why the f*ck is this nepo baby-in-law here? Isn’t he busy robbing Gaza of what little they have left? Don’t the blueprints for his Gazan resorts and housing projects need more drafting? This corrupt little brat doesn’t even speak for America. What’s his official title? What’s his government job? What security clearance does he have with all his brazen conflicts of interest? Does the US State Department have any idea what’s printed on those papers in his briefcase? Does Marco Rubio have any idea what he’s plotting in his encrypted, disappearing text message conversations to Benjamin Netanyahu? He’s an Israeli client, and treasonously manipulating his demented father-in-law like elder abuse because Trump eagerly raped a bunch of children at the sex-trafficking palace of an Israeli spy.”
- Iranian and Israeli peace deal negotiators are reportedly beginning to bond with each other over how indecisive and useless Trump is.
- A White House official says the only difference between the way Trump is deliriously demanding the military strategize how to invade and occupy Iran and the way Adolf Hitler deliriously planned the defense of Berlin in April of 1945 is that the Nazis weren’t all wearing the same style shoes that didn’t fit, and Hitler didn’t fill up his bunker with the stench of soiled diapers.
- The Iranian High Council just formally apologized to Barack Obama saying, “We did not appreciate how good we had it negotiating with you, and Trump’s eternal dishonesty, stupidity, and slavishness to Israel’s pedophile blackmail has us nostalgic for your wisdom.”
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The Halfway Post 