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- Russian military officials are reportedly worried Ukraine’s growing drone superiority over Russia will motivate Trump to suddenly reverse course and flood weapons and support to Ukraine so he can try to jump in and claim credit for Ukraine’s increasingly inevitable victory of forcing Putin to sign a ceasefire.
- Trump is reportedly furious that the annual ranking of US presidents by a committee of 50 top presidential historians was released today, and the committee almost unanimously ranked Trump’s second term as the worst in US history.
- Benjamin Netanyahu is so mad at the Iran deal Trump just signed that Netanyahu has reportedly told Trump he can’t flee to Israel anymore if he gets impeached or prosecuted for the Epstein sex-trafficking.
- A top GOP official says, “We f*cked ourselves sticking with Trump for another term. The world is a mess, the economy is set to explode, my kids won’t talk to me, my wife wants a divorce, and our legacies will forever include helping Trump ratf*ck our country.”
- Several European leaders at the G7 summit were reportedly overheard discussing in French whether Donald Trump’s body odor was getting worse or if they just hadn’t smelled him in a while.
- The self-described “Most MAGA member of Congress” is having trouble finding co-sponsors for his newest bill that would spend $1 billion to create an AI Donald Trump that he says could serve as president forever.
- A new poll for the 2028 presidential election found that the Reflecting Pool’s Algae is polling at 6%, higher than Ron DeSantis, and Donald Trump Jr.
- Trump is reportedly pissed because Congress won’t give him any more money to finish refurbishing the massive plane the Qataris bribed him with that’s already way over budget, and he has to pay the huge maintenance costs that made Qatar want to get rid of it in the first place, and it’s far too big and heavy to be able to land at any of the airports near his golf courses.
- A top GOP official said today, “We f*cked ourselves sticking with Trump for another term. The world’s a mess, we’ve burned our allies, the economy is inflating wildly, my kids won’t talk to me, my wife wants a divorce, and my legacy is helping Trump do all this damage.”
- Trump just learned about the Treaty of Versailles, and now is so mad at Emmanuel Macron for letting him sign the Iranian memorandum of understanding there that he’s demanding his staff write up an executive order mandating everyone in the government, military, and all publicly-funded institutions start using the term “Freedom Fries” again.
- Intercepted messages between top Iranian officials sent minutes after Trump signed the ceasefire deal include a text chain in which one asks, “Is this real life, or did we all get unknowingly bombed, and we’re now living in a Heavenly paradise in which the Great Satan United States has been defanged and its wings clipped and it’s talons dulled, and is so powerless through the grace of Allah that the Great Satan is willingly surrendering and accepting all our demands merely because President Trump wanted to sign something on his birthday?”
- Eric Trump is reportedly now telling FIFA officials that his text messages are “off the record so legally you can’t leak my texts publicly” before asking if any of the soccer matches are rigged.
- Trump is reportedly complaining to every staffer in the White House about how the next Democratic president will likely take his name off everything he has added it to.
- The founder of the GOP group “MAGA Gays” just stepped down as CEO, changed his voter affiliation to Democratic, and on Substack published a 35,000-word political-thriller/gay romance novella he wrote this week about Senator Jon Ossoff “banging his way to the presidency” titled “Jon Jerkoff.”
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 