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- Stephen and Katie Miller are demanding Americans be more politically-correct and stop “telling it like it is” after the entire Internet agreed he’s ugly.
- A GOP senator who never shuts up about the possibility of poor people committing welfare fraud has declined a request to explain why he’s quiet about Donald Trump handing out $1.8 billion to all of Epstein’s rapist friends who think the government was mean to them.
- Several GOP senators reportedly feel guilty that, after proclaiming for decades the debt is too high for any social safety net spending, they’ve allowed Trump to blow $50 billion in Iran, wreck global supply chains, explode inflation, and make everyone poorer.
- Trump is reportedly threatening Melania that if she rats him out on the Epstein stuff he’ll draft Barron to Iran.
- Trump is reportedly getting sick of Pete Hegseth coming several minutes late to cabinet meetings because he had to touch up his makeup.
- A White House staffer says the reason Trump’s hands are so purple is not because of extensive medical interventions, but because Melania “slaps the hell out of him” every time his hands get anywhere near her.
- A small number of Republicans who still care about the Constitution and their sacred oaths to preserving it are reportedly threatening to vote with Democrats to oust Mike Johnson from his Speakership if he does not bring up a vote on ending the Iran War… lolz jk this one’s too preposterous to say with a straight face.
- Pete Hegseth’s early morning workout photo-ops with various military units are even more impressive when you think about how early he had to wake up to do his makeup beforehand.
- Trump says he was “super close” to finishing his Obamacare replacement plan, but now the Iran War is “pushing it back by two weeks.”
- A group of MAGA fans in Montana are launching a hunger strike they say will go on until Iran agrees to Trump’s peace deal, or they all starve.
- Another poll found that 99% of Democrats want Jared Kushner’s secret scheming with the Israeli government outside the State Department to manipulate his demented father-in-law into this Iran War to be investigated and prosecuted given that it’s “textbook treason.”
- Peter Thiel’s move to Buenos Aires has Argentinians pissed that “America isn’t sending its best, but is sending tax evaders, political bribers, stock market scammers, mass-surveillance privacy invaders, and hedonistic sex party hosts.”
- God says that if Texans elect Ken Paxton over James Talarico, He will make all the Texan rivers boil and turn to blood, and infest the state with frogs, gnats, flies, locusts, and livestock pestilence because, “This test of Christian values could not be more obvious.”
- Trump’s hours-long Iran meeting in the Situation Room Friday night reportedly took so long because he kept derailing the conversation to rant about the judge ordering his name removed from the Kennedy Center, and he kept “long-blinking” for several minutes at a time.
- Stephen Miller is reportedly pissed the Iran War has become such a fiasco because he wants US soldiers invading American cities, not Iranian ones.
- A Republican senator who never shuts the fuck up about the possibility of a poor, single mother committing food stamp fraud has declined our request to explain why he’s not saying anything about Trump suing the government for $1.8 billion to give out to the Epstein co-conspirators the government was mean to.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 