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- Marco Rubio is reportedly “phoning it in” on Iran because Kushner is scheming with Netanyahu outside the US government like treason, Hegseth is an unqualified moron, Vance is distancing himself for his 2028 presidential campaign, and he can only guess at what secret bribes and blackmail operations are controlling Trump’s incomprehensible policies.
- Trump is reportedly still mad at Pete Hegseth for calling the Iran War “Operation Epic Fury” because it has the same initials as “Epstein Files,” and now “#OperationEpsteinFury” regularly goes viral on social media.
- Iranian leaders say they’re not afraid of Trump’s threats because he never won an election against a man.
- Pete Hegseth is reportedly beginning to regret not keeping a few women or people of color in top military roles because now he has no easy scapegoats to blame for why the Iran War has been a fiasco.
- Mike Johnson is reportedly asking his staff how many 60-day periods they think he can get away with letting Trump violate the Constitution by waging his $50 billion war against Iran with no Congressional authorization or public transparency.
- Trump reportedly asked his golf buddies today if they think anyone has realized he has been saying he’s “very close” to an Iran deal since 2017.
- Trump reportedly wants to make himself leader of Iran, but he’s worried he’ll get droned by Israel.
- A MAGA fan reportedly just admitted that in 2024 Democrats said Trump was “too stupid, impulsive, and unprepared to make a deal with Iran,” and the Democrats were right.
- A prankster in the Army reportedly inserted a photo of Jeffrey Epstein beneath the caption “WHY WE FIGHT” on the 1st page of the PDF file of Pete Hegseth’s new “Manual for Warfighters” the military just printed 100,000 copies of for soldiers training to invade Iran.
- Trump is reportedly telling staffers he wishes he could just declare bankruptcy in Iran and let it be other people’s problem like he has done in every other crisis of his life.
- Republicans in Iowa, Nebraska, and Kansas are worried Trump’s Iran War has fucked farmers so hard with the war’s inflation on the price of gasoline, diesel, and fertilizer that Democrats might win historic upset victories in their states this November.
- The homophobic Texas televangelist who claimed Iran would surrender on Easter and name Trump as their new Ayatollah so he could convert all of Iran to Christianity accidentally emailed his entire congregation his Grindr account in his Easter morning e-card.
- JD Vance and Marco Rubio are reportedly depressed because they know Trump’s Iran War has turned into a clusterfuck, and it will be used against them when they run for president in 2028.
- Trump’s catch-22 with his Iran War is that he wants to just blame Israel for all the disastrous consequences and not take any personal responsibility, but then he’d have to emasculate himself admitting Israel is telling him what to do.
- Trump’s sweaty stress from his Iran War fiasco is reportedly intensifying his notorious body odor to such a foul degree that White House staffers behind his back are calling the war “Operation Explosive Feces” instead of “Epic Fury.”
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 