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- Trump’s demands from the Iranian negotiators reportedly includes them releasing a press release declaring that the war was Joe Biden’s fault.
- After Trump suggested that, if China meddles in the midterms to let Democrats win so they can impeach him, he might cancel the election, a reporter asked him, “Shouldn’t you resign if China successfully meddles on your watch?” to which Trump folded his arms tightly across his chest and frowned.
- Senator John Cornyn is reportedly having trouble looking his grandchildren in the eye after losing his primary despite selling his soul conducting cringey photo-ops with Trump’s book among other pathetic displays of MAGA fealty, and by remaining silent about Trump’s utter lack of morality, zero respect for American national security, and constant fraud.
- Minnesota Republicans are reportedly depressed that the mastermind behind the MN pandemic-era food aid fraud who was just given a lengthy prison sentence was a white woman and not a Somali immigrant.
- A journalist reportedly asked Trump if he’d wear an Apple Watch for several days so everyone can definitively see if he’s sleeping or not during press conferences and cabinet meetings.
- Donald Trump Jr. is reportedly upset his dad attended a Memorial Day ceremony this weekend, but not his wedding, because he knows his dad hates memorializing fallen soldiers more than anything else… except, apparently, him.
- Trump is reportedly losing interest in his July 4th festivities because his Iran deal is a disaster literally no one likes, Congressional Republicans are furious with his fraud and theft of tax dollars, and his approval ratings are historically bad.
- Top Republicans are reportedly beginning to worry Trump’s total inaction on the growing Ebola crisis will lead to massive death like his inaction on COVID, wreck the global economy even more, and destroy their chances of keeping the Senate.
- White House doctors say every week Iran doesn’t agree to a deal raises the likelihood Trump will have a massive stroke by 3%.
- Trump is reportedly begging Congressional Republicans to just rubber stamp whatever deal he makes with Iran no matter how advantageous it is for the IRGC, and admitted he’s “desperate for a win,” and told Republicans not to worry about the politics because his supporters will “accept whatever deal he gets,” no matter how much worse than Obama’s deal it is.
- Trump says that, if Congressional Republicans don’t stop complaining about his fraudulent $1.8 billion slush fund or his dozens of obvious insider trading stock sales every day, he’ll cancel the July 4th UFC fight at the White House.
- Trump is reportedly pissed he can’t do anything to help his approval ratings because Israel won’t let him make a deal with Iran, Republicans are increasingly demanding one, and Iran gains more leverage by the day as global supply chains continue to break down.
- Top Republicans are reportedly worrying it’s a bad idea for Trump to attend the White House UFC fight because it risks letting everyone see how sleepy, frail, demented, and situationally confused he has gotten.
- A new poll found that 52% of Americans suspect Donald Trump’s White House UFC fight is just an elaborate stage to fake another assassination attempt because his approval ratings are historically bad and getting worse, and it’s the only thing energizing his base anymore.
- Ken Paxton is reportedly hoping his multiple federal indictments for securities fraud, felony wire fraud charges, bribery allegations, sexual affairs, illegal whistleblower retaliation efforts, Republican-led impeachment, multiple cases of mortgage fraud, and flagrant hypocrisy on supposedly living by Christian values won’t make him replace Todd Akin as the GOP’s poster boy failure of losing a winnable Senate race.
- Todd Blanche is reportedly worried he will go to jail someday on top of already going to Hell.
- A top Republican official pissed that Ken Paxton won the Texas primary reportedly just ranted for seven minutes during a phone call with GOP donors that Republican primary voters do more to help Democrats win than Democrats.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
The Halfway Post 