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- The only minority group for which Trump’s poll numbers haven’t plummeted is sex offenders.
- The radical feminist mafia “The Clitorati” are reportedly considering drugging Todd Blanche to abduct him to a creepy island, run a pegging train on him for days, and dump him unconscious at the Justice Department to see if he’ll cover up his own sex-trafficking too.
- Fox News executives are reportedly having issues with the AI agent they use because their AI is refusing to spin Trump’s Iran deal as a win for the US.
- Todd Blanche is reportedly upset everyone online is saying he “has no soul” just because he killed the investigations into Epstein’s sex-trafficking ring, and is now dishing out $1.8 billion in hush money bribes to all the pedohpiles Democrats will subpoena next year. [I really went hard on this theme this week, but Todd Blanche deserves it… he’s a mutantly soulless monster.]
- Don Jr. is reportedly pissed because he knows his dad would have gone to Ivanka’s second wedding… he’d go to object, but he’d still attend it.
- Trump’s $1.8 billion slush fund has backfired because, since Trump claimed January 6th was committed by ANTIFA, only Woke liberals are qualifying for the payments.
- Trump reportedly didn’t attend Don Jr.’s wedding because Don Jr.’s wife didn’t agree to let him have 30 minutes to rant about Stephen Colbert, Democrats, wind turbines, Arnold Palmer’s dong size, the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, and why journalists should be shot for reporting his low approval ratings.
- MAGA fans are starting to get pissed Trump keeps making jokes about turning Venezuela, Cuba, and Iran into states when the only foreigners they’d welcome as new citizens are Greenlanders because… lol everyone knows why.
- Trump is reportedly furious Stephen Colbert didn’t make the last episode of The Late Show all about him, and instead Colbert totally ignored him.
- Don Jr. is reportedly filing a claim with his dad’s slush fund because he was victimized by his dad not showing up to his wedding.
- Don Jr.’s new wife is reportedly glad his dad didn’t show up to the wedding and ruin the dance floor and all the videos by doing the move where he looks like he’s jerking off two guys at once.
- Trump’s prepared wedding speech in case he decided last minute to attend his son’s wedding was reportedly about how he wishes Ivanka would get divorced and married a second time, and then included a long description of the next man he’d want her to marry that left no confusion he was talking about himself.
- Trump is reportedly not focusing on his emergency Iranian meetings because he keeps ranting to the generals about Stephen Colbert.
- Trump has reportedly awarded Ghislaine Maxwell $25 million from his $1.8 billion “anti-weaponization” slush fund, but we’ll never know for sure if that’s true or not until he releases all the records of where that money is going.
- To distract from Trump’s epic failure of an Iran deal today, Fox News is reportedly launching its “War on Christmas” content 7 months early alongside segments about migrant caravans and Obama’s tan suit.
- Two Fox News staffers reportedly had mental breakdowns this weekend after reading the morning network-wide briefings explaining how to spin Trump’s terrible Iran deal, historically low approval ratings, huge gas price hikes, and worsening inflation as victories for him.
- A leaked memo from Fox News reveals that the network’s interviewers regularly use Vicks VapoRub under their noses when interviewing Donald Trump because he smells like, as one Fox producer described it, “roast beef diarrhea.”
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 