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- A new poll found that 74% of Americans believe Todd Blanche has no soul.
- Trump is reportedly furious everyone online is calling the $1.8 billion slush fund his “Epstein Hush Money Fund.”
- Trump is reportedly worried Thomas Massie and Bill Cassidy will now obstruct everything he wants Congress to do for him.
- Eric Trump reportedly told a mall cop this afternoon, “My dad’s attorney general says you can’t audit me!” after he got caught walking out of a fashion store wearing $2,000 of clothes he didn’t pay for.
- Whistleblowers are reporting that Trump’s slush fund is giving payouts exclusively to sex offenders.
- RFK Jr. is reportedly funding a new program that sends blue jeans to schools for the students to wear in gym class.
- Trump reportedly prayed for the first time in his life today asking God not to let everyone, if the ebola crisis turns into a global pandemic, blame him for firing all the pandemic response teams.
- Trump promises his current focus — stealing tax money to bribe his supporters with fake settlement funds while building an underground bunker — “does not imply” he’s afraid the midterms will strip his power with a Democratic-controlled Congress, or that he’s planning another coup.
- A reporter just asked Todd Blanche, “If there’s no transparency with the $1.8 billion slush fund that you are in charge of, why should any taxpayer believe you’re not just using it to clean up Trump’s massive Epstein mess with bribes and secret hush money settlements?”
- Trump’s “biggest fan in Montana” says he got COVID twice for Trump, and his wife was deported for immigrating as an infant, and he had to sell his soybean farm after Trump tariffed his Chinese buyers, but he’s okay fasting every day to make ends meet for the MAGA cause.
- Susan Collins is “extremely troubled” that the secret list of recipients for Trump’s $1.8 billion slush fund is filled with Epstein’s co-conspirators.
- A reporter just asked Trump, “If you’re refusing to release any records on your $1.8 billion slush fund, why should anyone assume you’re not just bribing all of yours and Epstein’s pedophile friends to not cooperate with Democrats’ investigations next year?”
- Iranian officials say they’ll open the Strait of Hormuz tomorrow if, and only if, Donald Trump attends his son’s wedding.
- Trump’s $1.8 billion slush fund has backfired because, since Trump claimed January 6th was committed by ANTIFA, only Woke liberals are qualifying for the payments.
- Don Jr. is reportedly hoping his dad is missing his wedding to invade Cuba and bring him back some Cuban cocaine as a wedding gift.
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If you think Donald Trump is a joke, I published three books for you: Satire In The Trump Years, Satire In The Biden Years, and Trump Comedy.
I’ve also published four existentialist poetry books, Cabaret No Stare, Moon Goon, Hotel Golden Hours, and Nostradoofus.
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The Halfway Post 