“Jesus Was White” Say Evangelicals Who Do Not Understand Geography, History Or Genetics

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Cedar Rapids, Iowa—

A local Evangelical Facebook group, “Americans For Acknowledging Jesus Was Arab But Not Arab-Looking” has spent the last few weeks attempting to get the hashtag “#JesusWasWhite” trending, spamming Facebook and Twitter users all over the nation to “spread the word.”

However, the hashtag has not “turnt up,” like the group’s mission statement pledged to accomplish. Instead, the counter-hashtag “#JesusWasBrown” went viral on social media in direct response.

The Evangelical group’s administrator, Linda Haddock of Cedar Rapids, returned a Halfway Post inquiry about the group’s perspective on the controversy.

“I don’t understand why this has become such a culture war thing where the Left has to rub it in our face that Jesus was Arab,” Ms. Hathaway said. “We know that. Of course we know Israel is in the Arab part of the Middle East, but Israel is, like, kind of white now thanks to post-war immigration from Eastern Europe. Maybe Jesus had a rare skin condition where his skin had less melanin than the people around him, ever think of that? European artists wouldn’t have painted Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the Bible people as white for centuries and centuries if it wasn’t true. They wouldn’t just make that up. And, besides, Jesus saved mankind. Who does that sound like? White people are all about saving Earth and freedom. We want the whole world to be free. Well, like, free where they live. They can’t come live here and have our freedom, of course. Obviously America is a white nation built by whites for whites. Just because slave labor was used doesn’t mean Blacks are a part of real America. If you hire a contractor to build a porch for your house, it doesn’t mean you have to accept the contractor as a part of your family! We have the right to keep our nation the way we want it… white! Which is exactly why Jesus had to be white. Because America is white. It just doesn’t make sense for Jesus to be any other color except America’s color. Science can’t prove everything, and genetic biology is just a hoax by atheist liberals to pretend Jesus was brown. Only all the people around Jesus were brown, which is why they needed saving by Jesus.”

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(Picture courtesy of midiman.)

9 thoughts

  1. Don’t they realise that the nation, the United States Of America didn’t even exist in Jesus’ time. In fact it was then occupied by American Indians.

      1. Obviously.
        I’m pretty sure you knew exactly what I meant. “American Indians” is an accepted, we’ll used and understood term for “native Americans” as opposed to “Indian Americans” ie persons from the sub continent of India that have migrated to the United States.

  2. You’re right. They are stupid. Jesus was a middle eastern Jew. he would have looked just like other middle eastern people. Remember the Israelite “patriarch” was Abraham, who lives in the Tigris/Euphrates area. That is moderns day Iraq. Middle-eastern.

  3. Please don’t believe that those who believe Jesus was white speak for the majority of Christians. We know he was obviously brown and it makes no difference. Quoting these trolls who call themselves Christians may earn your site a few extra clicks, but it also adds fuel to the fire by evening acknowledging them. They obviously just want attention. Don’t give it to them.

    1. They’re satirical quotes crafted to show the hypocrisy of many white Evangelicals in America. It does of course have a bit of exaggeration, but it wouldn’t be funny if it didn’t!

      1. It says something about this day and age that we have to confirm this was parody or not

    2. Saying: “…speak for the majority of Christians.” is actually a “no true Scotsman fallacy”.

      The onus is on you and other Christians to convince your fellow fundamentalists that Jesus wasn’t actually white and to stop saying he was otherwise their opinions and expressions of faith that he was are just as valid as yours.

      I mean how do you know that he wasn’t miraculously born white? He was after all born of a virgin was he not? One miracle is just as good as any other.

      This is why faith and supernatural positions are ridiculous to hold in the first place.

      Anything is possible.

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