President Donald Trump has been desperate to attract black voters to vote for him in order to turn around the public opinion polls that show him to be much less popular than previous presidents by a significant margin.
A local “Blacks 4 Trump” group has been trying to help, but, unfortunately for the President, they have been unsuccessful signing up a single black voter onto their club roster in the last five years of operations.
“I don’t understand it!” exclaimed Ralph Hartman, the group’s conspicuously frustrated president. “We’ve done everything we can think of to get some black members! We haven’t lobbied Trump to change his policy ideas or rhetoric to be less encouraging and supportive of self-avowed white supremacists, but other than that we’ve tried everything! We’ve advertised in local papers and on Facebook about our open-house events including fried chicken cook-offs, cornbread baking competitions, and watermelon picnics, but we’ve gotten absolutely no traction in the black community! And it’s costing our club a ton of money to buy all the makeup. We want potential black members to feel comfortable joining, so some of our members use dark makeup on their faces to look like they’re African-American. We actually had one black person attend one of our cornbread competitions a little while back, but he got upset and left when he realized our ‘black’ members were actually caucasian. Apparently black people don’t appreciate blackface. Who knew? And we really went to a lot of trouble to make our ‘black’ members seem indistinguishable from real black people! We got them du-rags, pants that don’t fit, fake wigs with bantu knots, and we had them walk around carrying autobiographies of Malcolm X and DVDs of Bad Boys II. It looked pretty authentic to me!”
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