Tickets to the MAGA world’s hottest event go on sale tomorrow!
Friday
10pm: DJ Jewish Space Laser
9pm: A big bonfire dance party for attendees to bring and burn books with gay characters, Bud Light cans, anything with a rainbow on it, COVID masks, vaccination records, Nike shoes, bags of M&Ms, school textbooks, solar-powered objects, Colin Kaepernick football jerseys, Ukrainian flags, and top secret documents to be provided by Donald Trump
8pm: A debate on the topic, “Did Hitler have SOME good ideas?” between Tucker Carlson (for the topic) and Ben Shapiro (against the topic)
7pm: Madison Cawthorn’s Tell-All About The GOP coke orgies
6pm: Roger Stone getting a tattoo of Donald Trump’s head under his tattoo of Richard Nixon’s head on his back
5pm: Kellyanne & The Alternative Facts
4pm: Red Hat Öyster Cult (tribute band)
Saturday
10pm: Lindsey Graham, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Kevin McCarthy leading a communal blood oath of loyalty to Donald Trump
9pm: A gallows hanging of a life-size sculpture of Mike Pence
8pm: Don Jr. snorting a line of coke on top of a podium, and just kind of seeing what will come out of his mouth
7pm: A pre-recorded PSA from Vladimir Putin on how smart, masculine, and patriotic American conservative men are to stock up on guns and ammo and start a second American civil war.
6pm: Matt Gaetz’ Teen Trumpettes, a high school cheerleading group he sponsors.
5pm: Jim Jordan conducting an interactive wrestling lesson and guide to various wrestling moves on a blowup doll with a picture of Adam Schiff’s face taped to it
4pm: “Make-Your-Own-Robes Craft Hour” hosted by the Florida branch of the Ku Klux Klan
3pm: Marjorie Taylor Greene teaching wilderness survival skills she learned while hunting for Bigfoot from 2002–2007 to train MAGA fans how to live in the wilderness for when The Storm arrives and conservatives must group up in rural, remote locations to begin their guerrilla war against the Biden regime
2pm: An art contest judged by Matt Walsh with the theme “What Is A Woman? What Is A Man?” for kids to color in graphic pictures of vaginas and penises
1pm: The Dog Whistle Bluegrass Band
12pm: A showing of Stephen Miller’s homemade horror film titled “Human Skin Furniture” (rated NC-17)
Sunday
11pm: A ceremonial burning of a 30-foot effigy of Joe Biden
10pm: Donald Trump ranting for 90 minutes about toilets, showers, water pressure, windmills, the fake news media, all his former national security advisers who are now saying he’s unfit to be reelected, Ron DeSantis’s gradually improving poll numbers, the FBI, Merrick Garland, Jack Smith, Fox News for telling their viewers how serious the espionage indictment is for him, how Ivanka is no longer using the name “Trump,” and how Jared Kushner isn’t sharing more of the $2 billion he got from the Saudis
9pm: 13-Year-Old Ivanka Lookalike Competition, hosted and judged by Donald Trump
8pm: Roast of Ted Cruz, hosted by Donald Trump (and possibly a public hanging if the crowd starts chanting “Hang Ted Cruz”)
7pm: Rudy Giuliani curating and critically discussing selected dick pics found on Hunter Biden’s laptop
6pm: TBD (Mike Lindell’s big reveal of his proof of election fraud has been postponed until next year’s MAGA Music & Arts Festival)
5pm: A live episode of Steve Bannon’s podcast in which he interviews Mike Flynn about how to make the next coup attempt more successful
4pm: A raffle sale of various gas stoves for winners to install in their kitchens and own the libs by letting their children inhale the slowly leaking gas fumes throughout their childhoods
3pm: A Christmas card photo-op for all the attendees to pose with AR-15s in front of a backdrop featuring Santa and Rudolph
2pm: A panel discussion from the editors of the “The 1488 Project”
1pm: Louie Gohmert’s class on female anatomy called “The Clitoris Hoax”
12pm: A “Blacks 4 Trump” signup drive
Follow me on Twitter @HalfwayPost, and follow me here on Medium @DashMacIntyre for more of my comedy.
Check out my brand new poetry book Cabaret No Stare, available now on Amazon.
Also check out my book “Satire In The Trump Years: The Best Of The Halfway Post,” available on Barnes & Noble and Amazon.
And check out my comedy portfolio, my Dada news portfolio, and my portfolio of prose poems.
The Halfway Post 
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