Sarasota, FL—
Steve Bannon, the self-described “Rasputin of 21st Century Fascism,” has reportedly launched a brand new product for MAGA fans extolling the nutritional benefits of white people’s semen.
“Everyone knows that white caucasians are the most genetically superior race in the world,” said Bannon today on his World War Steve podcast, “and I could not be more excited to endorse this wonderful yogurt product based on a recipe I found in the personal papers and journals of Josef Mengele while I was researching my last illustrated coffee table book for children, Fifty Schutzstaffel Heroes Every Kid Should Meet. This Freedom Yogurt is filled with billions of probiotics, and millions of certified, Protestant Anglo-Saxon spermatozoa in every serving. No Catholics!”
Freedom Yogurt is now available for sale on Steve Bannon’s personal website for $14.88 per six-pack.
“The price is a little high,” said Bannon, “but I guarantee this is the most premium yogurt product on the market. We have Proud Boys accumulating deposits around the clock, and they work according to very specific guidelines to ensure not even one solitary sperm cell is a potential future libtard. Our Proud Boy donors are required to wear an AR-15 at all times, cannot be COVID-vaccinated, must have been banned from at least one social media platform for harassment, and, to ensure maximum donation size, they must be celibate whether voluntary or involuntary… though so far we haven’t employed any voluntarily celibate donors. And while donors are at work, we play on television screens Mel Gibson’s secret director’s cut of The Passion of the Christ, which is much more antisemitic than the theatrical release. The donations are then immediately mixed into our batches of Freedom Yogurt, and I personally taste quality control samples from every batch to make sure every spoonful of Freedom Yogurt is of the highest, most Aryan quality. Satisfaction is guaranteed!”
Follow The Halfway Post, America’s #1 source of satirical news, on Twitter here, Facebook here, Tumblr here, or Instagram here for more liberal comedy, political humor and satire! Also, check out our podcast Brain Milk here and subscribe to our Substack newsletter The Halfway Café here.
More from The Halfway Post vault:
The Halfway Post 
One thought